by Ross Voorhees

Created on: March 24, 2009   Last Updated: March 25, 2009

Before I get started here, let me be completely forthcoming with you. I am an advocate of chocolate-eating kids. I say, let them have at it, and may the chocolate chips fall where they may! The question in the alternative is this:

HAVE WE COMPLETELY LOST OUR MINDS?

I mean, seriously... I grew up in the Age of Dangerous Playground Equipment, when the chances were good that I might bang my head, get cut, bruised, bashed, smooshed... and I loved every minute of it. My favorite place of all time was a park called Robinson Crusoe's Isle, where they had (GASP) TARZAN SWINGS! These were glorified riggings of steel cables hung from tree branches with a saddle stirrup bolted onto the bottom with RUSTY BOLTS!

But... but... I might have gotten tetanus from a strand of steel wire! I might have fallen and broken my neck! I actually did come close to breaking my neck, but that was from jumping off a picnic table onto a clothesline pole in the neighbor's yard, and the closest I came to tetanus would have been from the rusty nail I stepped on while running around barefoot. I somehow survived my childhood. Don't ask me how. I'm just hoping that I didn't spend my allotment of Guardian Angel Saves in my first ten years of life.

Ahh the Good Old Days, when we'd walk fifteen miles in the snow (barefoot, of course) JUST FOR THE CHANCE TO GET SERIOUSLY INJURED!

Where exactly am I going with this? Thank you for asking. I sometimes find myself going off the track. But this is not one of those times, believe it or not! What I'm basically gettig to is this:

How we continue to propagate as a species given the level of danger that our children face in today's society is totally beyond my comprehension. We've become convinced that if we're not standing by with Clorox Wipes and Neosporin spray while our children are playing, we're unfit to be parents. The Internet is just waiting to introduce our children to perverts that have convinced themselves that molesting children is perfectly normal. Excuse me for a second. GO TO H* NAMBLA. We have peanut allergies, violent video games, unhealthy role models, and bad body image bombardment from television. Drug Lords are just waiting to get our kids hooked on meth at as young an age as possible. Even the safety of the medications that ARE legal are being called into question.. we can't even give our kids cold medicine anymore. I'm amazed that the government hasn't instituted a policy of declaring clinically insane anyone brave enough to bring a child into this world.

What I'm saying here, as you probably are more than aware of by now, is that the list of Things to Worry About are endless.

So, for Heaven's sake, give yourselves and your children a break and let them nosh as much Easter chocolate as they want... and those nasty Peep things too. If they eat too much and get a stomach ache, I say good for them! They've learned something, and more importantly, they've had the rare opportunity to be exactly what they are and what they should be... children.

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