by Victoria Tiegert

Created on: March 24, 2009

Dating for the single parent is much more serious than it is for other singles. This is because there are young lives to consider. Our children are impacted by practically every decision we make as parents and dating is no different. We may try to convince ourselves that we can date without it having any effect on the kids, but it inevitably will. Therefore, we must make our choices regarding who to date, when to date, and how to date with them in mind.

The children must come first, there can be no compromise on this. There are four key areas where it is essential that they are your top priority, no matter your own or another person's desires. These are time, safety, comfort and example.

TIME

Your children need your time. You must be there to take care of them and from homework to heart-to-heart chats, kids require alot of your time and attention. They should not be robbed of this so that you can go and have fun with the grown-ups for hours and hours. Doing all that you can to arrange your dating time so that it has the least effect possible on them will ensure that you still have the time to take care of their needs first and foremost. If they are young and go to bed early, this is a good time to plan your dates. Or, maybe the other parent takes them at times and provides you with a bit of free time to use.

COMFORT

If your children are of the age that you can talk with them about your decision to re-enter the dating scene, do so. Get a feel for what emotional response this garners in them and help them to take the transition with as little discomfort as possible. Before you even think about bringing a date home, be sure that you have given as much time as necessary to accomadate the feelings of your children. They must be comfortable before you can expect a successful meeting, so anything before this point is doomed to fail from the start.

SAFETY

For the single parent entering the dating world, safety issues for the children become a twofold concern. First, there is the fact that you are looking at potentially bringing a new person into their lives, if the dating becomes serious. Do your homework and get to know this person extremely well before introducing them into the innocent world of your kids. Second, you may be bringing childcare providers in and should do so with a good measure of caution. Get references, do background checks, whatever it takes to ensure the safety of your children.

EXAMPLE

As you set about dating, you do have a unique opportunity to provide your kids with an example of healthy relationships and safe dating practices. Sleepovers are a no-no as is too much, too soon physical intimacy in the presence of the children. Show them a role model of what you want for them and expect from them.

The single parent will usually begin dating at some point before the kids are grown and out on their own. This can be a great experience for everyone if the kids still come first, are safe, comfortable, and have a good example set for them. Being careful is number one as these little ones are your greatest treasures.

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