We of the sandwich generation face a terrible dilemma. We want to be good parents to our children, but at the same time we find that our own parents are not as independent as they once were. What's more, it now often takes two incomes to manage where one income used to suffice. We try to split ourselves in three parts, juggling work, the children, and our responsibility to our parents. In trying to be all things to all people, something gets squeezed out. Too often, it's us.
A good day care fills one gap. Even when we can't be there, we can be secure knowing that our children are safely cared for, socializing with other children, and maybe getting a head start on the learning. There are tears when children leave for day care for the first time. By the end of the week, the tears are only ours. They are eager to go. They want to explore this new part of their world. It is the beginning of their independence, and the end of a part of their childhood we won't ever see again.
Good quality elder care fills another gap. It is a fact of life that as our parents age, they will need more care. We want to be there more for them but we can't, not and carry out our responsibility to our families as well. Sooner or later, we are forced to call in professionals to help us cope. Maybe at first we can manage it by adding a few hours of extended care nursing, but our parents need for care never gets any less.
In a different time, all three generations would be living together under one roof, with all three generations working together to make the household run. When the youngest children were very young, the grandparents would still be young and able enough to watch them while their parents worked at other things. As both children and grandparents grew older, they still spent time together, but almost invisibly the balance shifted until it was the oldest children watching out for their grandparents and helping to give them what care they needed. At one and the same time, the parents keep the household running, the grandparents contribute their wisdom and their experience, and the children learn in their turn about the responsibility of taking care of others.
That time is gone, but it did have something to teach us. Maybe we can adapt some of its lessons by combining some aspects of daycare with some aspects of elder care.
Simply bringing the two groups together in a controlled environment will engage and stimulate both children and seniors. Keeping the mind active is important to continued physical and mental wellbeing of the elderly, while at the same time children often welcome the attention they get from having a story read to them or a song sung to them. Children's library programs are often desperate for volunteers, and many of those volunteers are seniors who participate to a greater or lesser degree in elder care. If it works there, why not in a managed elder care environment?
Medical and recreational facilities can overlap by about half, thus cutting down on cost. Meals will be different for growing children and for the elderly, but the costs of food preparation can be combined. Supervision for each group has to be separated at some times, but can be combined at others. The daycare side benefits by having medical staff immediately at hand in case of the rare emergencies, without compromising the medical care of the elderly. By placing both elder care and childcare in the same building with shared areas, frazzled parents save time and money by having all the facilities their loved ones need together in one place. If transportation is needed, everything is at one stop.
Current regulations limit contact between children and seniors living in long-term care facilities, for good reason. Not all children integrate well into an elderly environment, nor will all seniors respond well to children. Some seniors will also be mentally unfit to interact with young children. The care required by each group is similar, but it is not identical. Both children and the elderly have limited immune systems, but the colds which sweep weekly through the daycare have much more serious implications for the elderly.
A reality of life is that the elderly do die. Where daycare and elder care is combined, every death affects the children as well. Before bringing together daycare and elder care, the staff and parents must find an acceptable way to manage the news of a senior's death.
For all these reasons, combining daycare and eldercare will take careful management. Care should be taken to ensure that any such move is not undertaken solely as a cost cutting measure.