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We of the sandwich generation face a terrible dilemma. We want to be good parents to our children, but at the same time we find that our own parents are not as independent as they once were. What's more, it now often takes two incomes to manage where one income used to suffice. We try to split ourselves in three parts, juggling work, the children, and our responsibility to our parents. In trying to be all things to all people, something gets squeezed out. Too often, it's us.

A good day care fills one gap. Even when we can't be there, we can be secure knowing that our children are safely cared for, socializing with other children, and maybe getting a head start on the learning. There are tears when children leave for day care for the first time. By the end of the week, the tears are only ours. They are eager to go. They want to explore this new part of their world. It is the beginning of their independence, and the end of a part of their childhood we won't ever see again.

Good quality elder care fills another gap. It is a fact of life that as our parents age, they will need more care. We want to be there more for them but we can't, not and carry out our responsibility to our families as well. Sooner or later, we are forced to call in professionals to help us cope. Maybe at first we can manage it by adding a few hours of extended care nursing, but our parents need for care never gets any less.

In a different time, all three generations would be living together under one roof, with all three generations working together to make the household run. When the youngest children were very young, the grandparents would still be young and able enough to watch them while their parents worked at other things. As both children and grandparents grew older, they still spent time together, but almost invisibly the balance shifted until it was the oldest children watching out for their grandparents and helping to give them what care they needed. At one and the same time, the parents keep the household running, the grandparents contribute their wisdom and their experience, and the children learn in their turn about the responsibility of taking care of others.

That time is gone, but it did have something to teach us. Maybe we can adapt some of its lessons by combining some aspects of daycare with some aspects of elder care.

Simply bringing the two groups together in a controlled environment will engage and stimulate both children and seniors. Keeping the mind active is important to

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