by D A Lavizzo

Created on: March 23, 2009   Last Updated: March 24, 2009

If you listen to people like Tom Leykis, there is no such thing as a "good lover". We should all be cads, jumping from one physical encounter to the next, never settling down, never committing.

However, ask most people and they would not agree with this cynical view of relationships. Most people live their whole lives searching for that special someone, that "other half" that makes them feel complete. So the question - how can I be a better lover? - is on the forefront of a lot of people's minds.

The key to being a good lover is - as with most things in life - to follow the golden rule. How would you want to be treated by the one you love? This simple rule can be applied to any facet of a relationship, from making financial decisions to time spent in the bedroom. Despite the popular phrase "opposites attract", this really only works in science labs. In reality, studies have shown that people tend to gravitate towards other people who are similar to or remind them of themselves. That same study even went as far as to say that humans find people with similar facial structures to theirs far more attractive than people with different structure! So, if you're in a relationship, you can use that information to accurately intuit how your partner would like to be treated.

Most times, the number one thing that people argue about is money. All other issues fall by the wayside when it comes to the sheer amount of time couples spend on this subject. One way to avoid this is clear, open communication about financial matters. If the relationship looks like it's getting serious, start talking about how finances will be handled, what sort of purchases require both parties to decide on, and other similar matters. Getting everything out in the open beforehand can save many headaches later, and provide the foundation for a strong, loving relationship.

Communication is also a necessary topic when it comes to sex, which studies show is the second most important factor in a committed relationship. Many couples suffer from what some call "Honeymoon-itis". This is where during the first few months of the relationship, sex is frequent and exciting, but as time wears on it becomes routine and almost undesirable. Before things get to this stage, both parties should try adding spice to the bedroom. Once again, communication in this area is just as important. Talk about your likes and dislikes, and help your partner explore his or hers. Most times, people refrain from talking about sexual matters out of either prudence or embarrassment, but with such an important topic, only talking about it will make sure that everything works out for the best.

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