by Krystle Hernandez

Created on: March 23, 2009   Last Updated: April 26, 2009

Friends are a crucial part of an individual's social support system. Because "good" friends are there for us when we need them, most people feel that they should also be available for their friends in a time a need. However, while we may only want what is best for our beloved friends, and while we may not want to see them get hurt, sometimes we are faced with the difficult question of whether or not to sit back and let our friends make potentially harmful decisions, or whether we should intervene. So, should you interfere in a friend's unhealthy relationship?

We may wish that there were a simple and finite answer for this question, but the reality is that every situation is different. Therefore, it is crucial that we ask ourselves some very important questions before we make the decision over whether or not to interfere in a friend's relationship.

Consider the nature of your friendship.

How long have you known your friend? How close are you to one another? If two people have developed a friendship over the course of several years, they may feel more comfortable expressing individual opinions with one another than friends who have only recently begun to develop their relationship. If you know your friend very well, it is likely that you know how they will see your intervention as a hindrance or as worthy advice from a concerned friend.

Consider your friend's relationship.

How much do you really know about your friend's relationship? Often, individuals can only make a judgment about a friend's relationship based on what that friend has offered to disclose. It is important that you remain realistic when you consider how much you really know about your friend's partner and your friend's relationship. Rather than making negative comments or jumping to conclusions about your friend's partner, ask your friend what he or she is getting from the relationship. Are they happy? Listen to your friend when he or she talks about his/her partner and relationship. Getting your friend's perspective is crucial to helping you understand the reasons why he or she has chosen to be with this particular partner. Keep in mind that just because YOU feel that the relationship is "unhealthy" or that your friend's partner isn't "good enough" for them, doesn't mean that you have a right to intervene and attempt to control your friend's life choices. People are bound to make mistakes and as good friends, our job is to be supportive of their decisions and be there for them if and when difficult

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