Marriage is a lifelong commitment at least that is what we all hope when we enter into it. However many of us have experienced the gut wrenching pain of divorce. When it happens it feels like a death and it is in many respects. It is the death of our hopes and dreams for the future.
In a newly formed relationship we have this attitude that love will conquer all, but the reality is marriage takes more than love to survive. As the years pass and the passion that you once felt for your mate begins to slip, you experience this downward spiral. It starts out with the little things like taking each other for granted, not spending enough time communicating, letting yourself go physically, constantly fighting with one another or allowing the intimacy in your relationship to dwindle. We prioritize our life but forget to do so with our marriage. Usually many couples see this transition begin shortly after the kids come along. Don't get me wrong having children is a wonderful blessing, but all parents are guilty of immersing our existence around them. In the process we forget who we are as individuals and as a couple.
There can also be third party interference that results in marital conflict for a couple. A marriage is between two people and when one of the partners allows another person to enter into it the results are devastating. Affairs can happen for many reasons but ultimately they end with the same result. It shatters the trust and shakes the foundation of the marriage. There are some that can survive an indiscretion. Forgive and move on to have a happy marriage again, but many end with divorce.
Another area that causes strain on even the best relationships is finances. When the unexpected happens and one of you looses your job or you're faced with a life changing event that drains your bank account, what do you do? Many people fall into a deep depression, bringing their spouse along for the ride. Money can give a sense of security and when it is lost or jeopardized it is difficult to re-establish your footing. The couple is stressed over how to make ends meet and they begin to bicker then withdrawal from each other. It is a vicious cycle that takes its toll, draining you physically and emotionally.
So what are some of the things that you can do to safeguard your marriage from the pitfalls that it surely will encounter? First you need to have a plan. Every couple will be faced with problems. However its how you deal with it that makes the difference in the outcome. Talk about what you would do if the two of you are faced with these situations. Then reassure each other that no matter what happens you will deal with it together. Communication is the cornerstone to any relationship. You should work daily at improving this area. Take 15 minutes each evening to just sit down and discuss the day. We all get busy but it is important to remind the person that you chose to be your partner that they are still a vital part of your life.
Second you need to regularly schedule a date night with your husband or wife. This should be done to refresh your batteries and keep the spark of romance alive. Make sure that you do so without kids or other people tagging along. You want this event to strengthen your marriage and keep the two of you in tune with each other. There are endless possibilities of what you can do together and they don't necessarily have to involve spending large sums of money. You can go to a park for an evening stroll, have a picnic, or even take a long drive and just talk. Anything that you can do to spend more quality time together will strengthen your marriage.
To help curb the financial stress that comes with sharing your life with another person, sit down and write a budget. The two of you are a team and should act accordingly. You both need to be on the same page regarding how the money is spent in the household and each should be held accountable for the fiscal decisions. Make the budget something that both of you can live with, but also allow for a contingency plan by creating a minimum 3 month reserve. When the worst does happen, you will be ready because you properly planned for that rainy day.
At times we all have had that fleeting thought will my spouse stray? Well it certainly is a possibility if you look at the statistics. Regardless of the numbers, you can minimize the chances of an affair and help each other stay on track. Affairs are prompted by opportunity. As such the best advice is to not put yourself in a position that you will be tempted. If you have a close relationship with a co-worker of the opposite sex, do not create an opportunity for the two of you to spend significant time alone. Also, it is important to keep your personal and work information separate. You should not disclose intimate details of your home life or share hopes and dreams with this individual or any person other than your spouse. The more that you open yourself up to someone who isn't your partner then the more likely you will develop a connection that could lead to an affair. This can also be said for developing friendships in online chat rooms. Just remember the rule of thumb, do not do anything that you wouldn't want your spouse to see or hear. If you maintain this motto, then there will never be anything to feel guilty about.
Every marriage has its ups and downs. It is difficult to weather the storms of life for years at a time with the same person, but when you do the end result is very rewarding. The best piece of advice that I can share is never go to bed angry and always end the night with a kiss. Tomorrow is a new day and it is best to start it with a clean slate.