by Khyrana Oktivia Pambudi

Created on: March 23, 2009

Filial piety is such a beautiful things. It essentially means the responsibility of a person to give love and respect their parents. That includes taking care of your ageing parents. Now in some culture living with one parent is a natural thing to do. In fact, for one to live apart from their parents, (even if it's not your decision) could create gossip within your extended family. And the society tend to look down on such person.

Take for example my grandmother. Being a widow after my grandfather passed away, she would like to lead a peaceful life close to her siblings. When my father was transferred to another city, she refused to come. Her excuse was that she'd prefer to stay in a place she's been living in for the last 30 years. Sounds reasonable to me. And my parents thinks the same. So they got her a cozy, little house where she could call home.

After a couple of months, my grandma starts to complain. She doesn't mind living on her own, she was quite happy actually. But the neignbours weren't so thrill to have her around. Thinking that my mom has abandoned this old woman, they happily came over to my grandma's house with their best intention, which was to speak ill about my parents. Despite my grandma's best argument, the bickering continues for a couple of years. When dementia finally got the better of my grandma, she gave up and live with my parents. She still lives there until now, although sometimes she can't remember where she stayed or whom she's staying with.

In some cases, people use the excuse of taking care of their ageing parent for their own benefit. Just the other day I met a frail old lady. She is a widow and a mother of ten grown ups. But there she was, sitting all by herself at a bus shelter because she couldn't stand any of her kids.

One of her daughter stayed with her, since she's a newlywed, she decided to gave her daughter and her husband the biggest room in the house and moved to a smaller room. You would expect at least a thank you from any decent human being, let alone one that is brought up in such strong 'filial piety' culture. But the poor woman didn't get what she deserved, after struggling to raise 10 kids and married them off, all she get in return was a small store room with barely any space for her to lay down. Her own daughter (with much help from her husband) had decided that the room this woman called her bedroom is a suitable place to keep all their junks. They literally is trying to say that their old mother is worth no more than their old junks. Now all this old lady wants for herself is to stay in the old folks home, and I can understand her plight.

So in this case, I'd like to urge all of you to show your love and respect to your parents within your limit. You might wanted to show your love and care by moving your parents into your house. But before you do such a noble thing, please do consider all the possible consequences. Only and if only you are willing to take such huge responsibility at any cost you should go on with your plan. Because our parent deserves all the happiness in the world as much as what they wish for us to have. And if in the long run you're having second thought, it would just break everyone's hearts.

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