by Carol Dunn

Created on: March 23, 2009

There are roughly three billion people on this planet who can relate to being in a restroom with a full bladder and being unable to pee. See, women have certain criteria regarding the suitability of a public restroom, and these criteria must be met before we are comfortable sitting down to pee. These lessons are learned the hard way by each woman as she progresses through a lifetime of occasionally having to use public restrooms. And, fact be known, we would all prefer to only use our own personal bathroom at home for as long as we live. However, in order to function in the world, we force ourselves to use public restrooms. If none of the following criteria are met by a public restroom, we would rather burst than use the toilet.

The first and the minimum requirement is that there is toilet paper. If all else fails, there MUST be toilet paper. Learning this lesson the hard way leads some women to carry around a spare tissue in their purse for months on end until it looks like a ragged piece of trash, just in case they end up using a toilet before noticing the paper dispenser is empty. The ragged tissue may only absorb one or two drops, but it's better than several alternatives, one of which could include using something which has been trampled on the floor. Honestly, we try to remember to look at the dispenser first. There's about a ten year span in life when that works, usually between 35 and 45, then your memory starts to go downhill and you find yourself once again sitting on a public toilet beside an empty T.P. dispenser. True, in desperation one can say to the woman in the next stall, "Do you have some toilet paper over there?" Throughout the world it is expected that any decent human being will pass a handful of T.P. to you under the stall divider. Women are bonded together by that courtesy, because at some point we've all found ourselves on the empty dispenser side of that divider.

The next requirement is that the toilet has been flushed after its last use. If it is full of toilet paper and other unmentionable yellow and/or brown stuff, it's time to look for a new stall. This is due to the absolutely true assumption that whatever germs are in the toilet bowl will crawl up the sides and get you once you sit down on the seat.

The third requirement is that the seat is not wet. There is not a woman on the face of this planet that willingly sits on a wet toilet seat. We all know how it got wet. Someone actually had the leg strength to hover above the toilet

• 1
• 2
• Next Page >>