by Sarah Parrish

Created on: March 22, 2009

The right to swing your fist ends where another person's nose begins. The same thing applies to insults. The right to tease someone ends where another person's vulnerabilities begin. So the question is, how do you figure out where another person's vulnerabilities are?

Often mockery can be misinterpreted as hurtful so, since we all know bullying is wrong and we all know harmless fun is exactly that harmless I'm going to address the issue of how to figure out exactly where that fuzzy line lies between the two.

Establish rapport. Friendly teasing goes both ways. Bullying goes one way. The way to tell the difference between the two is to listen. Watch the other person and pay attention. Are they smiling and laughing? Are they enjoying themselves? Do they both understand the teasing is meant in fun? Does anyone seem like they're getting hurt by the conversation? Pay attention to the other person. The same words said by the same person can be taken as harmless by one person and as bullying by another. The difference lies in what the person on the receiving end will tolerate (and if it's harmless banter, both people should be on either receiving end).

We've all experienced two people who, being good friends with one another rip on each other much to the amusement of all. Someone just walking into the situation might think they don't care for one another but upon listening to them for a while you soon figure out they're actually friends. They're both smiling and laughing at each other and themselves. They've established rapport and both are comfortable with the situation. Neither person feels like they take all the verbal punishment and the fight is fair.

On the other hand, when the situation is unfair or when the banter becomes one-sided the rapport isn't established. This type of conversation is uncomfortable for at least one person involved in it and should be ceased as soon as possible, probably with an apology and an explanation.

I don't want to live in a world where it isn't ok to tease people. Teasing can be a lot of fun and leads to healthy development of the psyche in admitting we all have flaws. It helps establish banter and it forces you to pay attention to those around you and, ironically, can help you through your observations of others be a more compassionate person. It's important that no one gets hurt by teasing because a few bad situations can spoil the fun for everyone.

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