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An adult child should feel some responsibility to parents, particularly when the parents are elderly and may need help. The degree of responsibilty can vary according to circumstances. Basically, when the adult child has a family of young children of his or her own, that must be the first priority above all other considerations.

However, if the needs of the parents are financial, the adult child may decide to assist as an adviser. The most effective route is to try to prevent financial problems before they start. When retirement and old age are still a decade or more away, the adult child should confer with parents regularly to prepare for their inevitable post-retirement needs.

Investments, bank accounts, pensions, Social Security, real estate and any other assets must be monitored as early as possible by both parents and adult children. If necessary, the family attorney is to be consulted and official documents completed, including wills and inheritance instructions.

If the decision is that the aging parents may not have enough resources for their retirement years, steps may be taken early to correct it. For instance, if there's a family house with a small or no mortgage, there are ways of getting regular income from the value of the home. One is the reverse mortgage, where the lender gives the owners a regular lifetime income, and eventually takes possession of the home.

Adult children should confer frequently with their elderly parents to assure that the seniors have enough independent income. When necessary, government services, such as Medicare and Medicaid should be contacted for possible free and low-cost financial and health benefits.

If possible, the married adult children must strike a balance of helping parents without denying their own young families anything. It doesn't have to be tedious or unpleasant. When my mother was in a nursing home, we made every Sunday morning a family outing with our two small children.

First, we had breakfast at a favorite restaurant. Then, we went to the nursing home, where we all spent some time with my mother. Often we'd all have lunch together in the nursing home dining room or on trays in her room. Later, one or both of our children had the task of guiding my mother's wheelchair outside to roll through the nearby tree-lined park.

In that way, the grandchildren would bring love and happiness, while I could fulfill my responsibility to my elderly mother without taking any time away from my children. Visiting my mother was not only an obligation, but also an offer of profound gratitude for devoting herself to raise and nurture her own family.

Learn more about this author, Ted Sherman.
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