by Jane Simpson

Created on: March 22, 2009   Last Updated: March 28, 2009

I went through my 20s, and early 30s, as a single person. I dated from time to time but somehow it was never right. Relationships, if you could call them that, rarely lasted more than a few weeks and I never had any regrets when they ended.

I wanted the fairy tale; the husband, kids, house in the suburbs, but it just didn't happen for me.

I managed to stay upbeat and positive, though. I focused my attention on other things, like my career, my interest in music, and my church. I didnt give up hope, but with each passing year I was less inclined to believe that love was in my future. By the time I was 38, I had but given up and found contentment as a single person. Of course, like all the relationship experts tell you, that's exactly when I found love.

He was the wannabe suitor of a friend of mine who rejected him. He cried on my shoulder, we became friends, discovered a myriad of commonalities, and one day, I realized I had fallen in love. Fortunately he seemed to realize the same thing at exactly the same time and we made the transition from best friends to lovers. For a very brief time in my life, I thought everything was going to work out, just as I had always dreamed it would.

Before I found love, I had looked for things to distract myself from my loneliness. One of the primary ways I had done so was through church which initially had been more of a social function than a spiritual quest. Through the years though, I did become a true believer and my beliefs were very important to me.

Unfortunately, it became apparent very soon, that my new love did not respect my beliefs. I never knew why, I did ask on several occasions, and never got an answer, but he seemed to be almost bitter against the process of organized religion. He refused to go to church with me or participate in any of the social functions. I began to realize that he was actually trying to thwart my participation in church activities. He admitted on more than one occasion that he had purposefully planned activities for us that would conflict with activities at church. Ultimately, he wanted me to choose him over God. As he explained it, he wanted to be first in my life. When I realized that, when he admitted it, I ended the relationship. Of course, it didn't stay ended. He was the love of my life. I wanted it to work out.

For almost four years, we were on and off. We were never able to sustain a relationship, though, and eventually we gave up. The last time I spoke with him he told me that he had moved

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