by JRR

Created on: March 22, 2009

You see your friend at the store with her husband. You start towards her to speak but before she see you, you hear her husband, "You are so stupid. I don't know why I put up with you. It's a good thing though because no one else would have you." Suddenly she glances at you and you see the pain and defeat in her eyes. What do you do?

Speaking from the standpoint of the one with the pain and defeat in their eyes, I wish someone had at least attempted to interfere. I wish someone had cared enough to let me know they saw what was happening and it wasn't my imagination. I wish someone had tried to step in and let me know I wasn't alone. But they never did.

I got married when I was 20 years old. By the time our first anniversary rolled around I was beginning to see changes yet at the same time I thought maybe it was my imagination. Maybe, at the time, I wished it was only that.

Over the next 20 years I came to learn it definitely wasn't my imagination. Sadly it took just as many years for me to realize it wasn't my fault. That all the things he said about me weren't true.

What makes it even worse is it wasn't until after it turned physical to both me and my children that I realized this. It wasn't until the day I ended up laying in the middle of the floor, my 12 year old daughter was cowering in a corner hysterical from where I had just prevented her father from hitting her and my 15 year old son tried to protect me and ended up with his mouth bleeding, that I realized this wasn't alright and it wasn't my fault. None of this was something I deserved.

That was six years ago now. Since that time I can't even count the number of people who have asked why I had put up with it so long. They talked about how they had seen what was happening as he slowly destroyed everything in me. All I could do was ask why didn't they say anything to me.

People who have never been in an unhealthy or abusive relationship may not realize that someone in one may not see the situation they are in. The situation may make them feel it is their fault, or occurs so slowly they begin to accept it as normal.

In my opinion interfere isn't the proper term. Letting someone in and unhealthy relationship know they aren't alone isn't interfering it is offering them a lifeline. They may not openly accept it, but sometimes just feeling like someone somewhere is trying to understand can make a world of difference. It may be enough to make them realize the truth of the situation they are in. The best scenario is it wil give them the strength to get out before things get worse. Worst case scenario is they don't feel completely alone. They may not admit it but the feeling of not being completely alone means more than they may be able to express.

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