by Moe Zilla

Created on: March 22, 2009

"Velcome" hides a surprise. Its cover promises that it's "a very scary book" - but it's not. That's the surprise. The cover shows a narrator who looks like Gomez Addams, and he's holding an ominous-looking book. But a closer look at the book reveals that he's really reading: "Mary Had a Little Lamb."

Kevin O'Malley wrote its funny text, and his illustrations also show sense of humor. (On his official author's picture, he's drawn glasses and a moustache - plus an arrow going through his head.) "Tonight I will be sharing with you some of my favorite scary stories," the narrator warns. But on the next page is the copyright information, with a warning from Kevin O'Malley.

"This is the most intelligent part of this whole book."

There's a howling wind by a graveyard as a little boy runs under the purple clouds. He's being chased by a coffin - and O'Malley's gray colors set a spooky tone. The font changes sizes as the story progresses, with the coffin "crashing through the door" as the boy races up his stairs. But this story has a surprise ending: the boy throws a cough drop, and it makes the "coffin" stop. And as the narrator warns the next story will be scarier, a dog hold up a sarcastic sign. ("Listen to me. You should stop reading... now!")

The book never wants to scare young readers, only to have fun. The next story is about a young woman who's all alone in her apartment. She gets a mysterious phone call. ("I am the Viper. I'm coming up. I'm almost there.") After three frightening phone calls, she calls the police, but there's a sudden knock on the door. O'Malley draws four drawings - the girl turning the door's knob, the door opening, and an enormous picture of the girl screaming. But the fourth picture shows a little man with a bucket in his hand. "Vat are you screaming about?" he asks. "I am the viper. I come to vash and vipe your vindows."

"I'm trying to 'vipe' this whole thing from my brain!" reads the dog's new sign.

O'Malley's illustrations help the playful tone, filled with lots of colors and cartoonish people. And the drawings include lots of extra jokes. For example, in the young woman's apartment, there's celebrity magazines scattered around. And the cover of one pays homage to a famous urban legend about the boy from the Life cereal commercials. The headline? "It's Mikee. The Pop Rocks didn't get him."

O'Malley includes two pages of gross jokes, including a couple of "Mommy, mommy" jokes I remember from the 1970s. "Those last couple of jokes weren't very scary, I think," admits the narrator. "Forgive me if I made you laugh,"

"Now let's get back to some more scary stories."

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