by David Bareford

Created on: January 28, 2007   Last Updated: May 02, 2007

Sound Familiar?
You stand near the buffet at a lively party, pretending to decide on an appetizer but secretly working up the courage to talk to someone. You envy how easily others seem to engage in conversation, laughing and chatting like old friends with people they met ten minutes ago.

"What do you think of the party?" says a voice at your elbow. You glance over your shoulder at the stranger, then quickly look down at the table to compose a response. Not wanting to seem shy, you turn your head back to the other guest, chin held high.

"It's great," you say, "Cheri's done a fabulous job decorating the place, don't you think?"
"Yeah." An awkward pause. "Well, see you."

You sigh inwardly. You were polite, you didn't stumble over words, and you asked a question in return: why do your conversations with strangers never last beyond a few words?

The Language of the Body
The problem may be what you say without speaking: physical signals may be short-circuiting your conversations. Nonverbal communication, sometimes called "body language," is an important method of human interaction which can send messages as strongly as our words. Experts disagree whether nonverbal communication is an innate quality of our species or if it is learned through contact with human society. Without dispute, however, we can learn to recognize and control our body language to send the nonverbal messages we want.

Reading the signs
There are hundreds, even thousands, of nonverbal cues; entire careers are dedicated to cataloging them. The good news: you don't have to be an expert to start using your body to send the messages you want. Following are six kinds nonverbal signals which can impact your conversations with others.

1.Body Alignment. We show agreement, interest, and receptiveness to others by turning our torsos toward them. Angling the shoulders away indicates passivity, discomfort, or even dislike. When engaging in conversation with someone, send an invitation for them to continue speaking by aiming your body to face theirs.

2.Eye Contact. Looking directly into someone else's eyes is a powerful nonverbal tool. People maintain eye contact longer with people they like and tend to avert their gaze from those they dislike. Begin a conversation by looking the other person in the eye to establish communication, and "check back" regularly to maintain the connection. Beware of staring, however: direct gazes lasting more than three continuous seconds can actually raise stress levels between the viewers.

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