by Jean Masukevich

Created on: March 22, 2009

Responsibility How far should you push your children to succeed?

To push or not to push, that is a good question. Parents and care givers are responsible for laying a solid foundation so that children feel safe and loved. From this place, they will be confident enough to take risks and grow. If you never push your children beyond their comfort level, they will never learn to face their fears and move forward. If you push too often or too far, children will not learn to be intrinsically motivated. They will strive for the external and never find contentment. As parents we need to learn to do the dance, finding the balance between encouraging the children to step it up a notch and enjoying them just where they are. How do we do this?

The best thing we can do as parents is to teach the children to be "response able." This means that no matter what the situation presents, they will be able to respond with truth and integrity. This comes from deep inside, because what is good for one child or their parent may not be good for the next. Deep within each person shines a bright light. It is this inner light that will lead the way to truth and happiness. No amount of success can take its place. Parents should encourage and guide children toward their own personal truth by giving the child ample opportunities to try new things and then asking them how they feel and what they liked or didn't like about the experience. Parents, care givers, and teachers can guide children toward success by modeling hard work and perseverance in their own lives.

Children learn to be responsible at a very young age when they have clear and consistent expectations. An example is: if you make a mess, clean it up. Parents first model the behavior, than assist the child in doing it, and finally expect and praise independence. Children feel good about doing things independently. This is success! Learned independence trickles into other areas of the child's life. Building on the internal success of independence, children begin to learn responsibility.

Through communication, parents learn to tune in and identify what each child needs. Sometimes they need support and acceptance while other times they need to be pushed. If a child tries something and doesn't like it, it is the parents' job to encourage the child to stick with it. If you don't push them to stay with it, you are not teaching the responsibility of finishing what they started. However, the next time this activity comes up, you should

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