What better reward could there be for a parent than recognizing that they somehow instilled compassion in their children? Compassion is the foundation and cornerstone of successful interaction with others, and is vital to the happiness and balance of a human being. Whether we grasp the concept or not, everyone has experienced compassion in some form, and harnessing the power of compassion and showing it to our children is essential.
It helps them to recognize what compassion is all about when parents set example. It also helps them to realize that our spiritual route in life is every bit as valid as our material one, and will be with us even if the material things in life are taken away from us. Compassion knows no boundaries, is not self-seeking and is illusive to those who find it necessary to try to find it. Trying to find compassion doesn't work. Living it is what people need to experience to truly understand it's power.
*How compassion is developed.
*How to share compassion with a child.
*Learning to forgive.
*Learning to commiserate.
*Learning sincerity.
*Learning selflessness.
*Practicing compassion on a daily basis.
How compassion is developed.
Compassion is that feeling inside which sets you apart from being someone who is self centered and ego driven. Spiritual people know the value of compassion simply because they practice it in their everyday life. The parent who helps a child to understand the fright they inflict on a poor little rabbit when they chase it is exercising compassion. The example they are giving that child is understanding and empathizing with that little creature sufficiently to be aware of consequence of their actions. Similarly when a child is deeply hurt by the loss of a pet, it is his compassion for that pet which makes him sensitive enough to feel loss.
Compassion respects all living beings, nature, peace, calm and harmony, though it goes much further than this. It is developed in small steps throughout our lives, by listening to the needs of others. Imagine being in the place of a child who is starving, and instead of turning away, trying to do something to ease their pain. Of course, we are never put in these situations on a daily basis, though what a family can do as an exercise in compassion is see what they can do for others worse off than themselves. Giving without thought of reward is the best giving that a human being can become involved in. It teaches that the reward gained is a happy heart, and there can be no better example to pass to your children than that.
The Dalai Lama described compassion in a way that people can understand when he said to practice compassion needed no temple or complex philosophy, though what it did need was a willing heart and an element of kindness. He was right and by practicing awareness of others in our everyday lives, what we do is make compassion part of who we are, just as real to us as breathing and waking up each day.
How to share compassion with a child.
When a child hurts their knee, we bandage it. The act of bandaging isn't about compassion. It's the little kiss on the forehead and smile of concern which represent compassion. When a child loses a friend, feeling their pain helps them to get through that loss. Showing a child that they are important in the order of things and making sure that they know you are caring about them helps greatly, though the best lesson you can share with a child is their responsibility towards other people, plants, animals and the earth they live in. It's not a heavy responsibility, but one which they can learn with your help.
Take for example talking to a child about children in their class. When they want to learn about things they don't understand, help them to see that the child with different colored skin or the child who cannot see is every bit as equal as them, and that they should always realize that those people have feelings too. Kids can be cruel and tease others who are different, though the example to teach is that sometimes different is good, and that by understanding more about those people, your kids open their hearts to learning about compassion.
The way you handle yourself as a parent in everyday life gives a child their lead in life. Compassion knows no barriers of class, race, disability or disadvantage and cannot be taught, though it is something which can be learned from your pattern of behavior. It's not even an intentional act. Compassion can be found in the most humble of surroundings. It comes from being aware of others and their feelings, and being able to show appropriate help and empathy for those people whose lives we cross.
Learning to forgive.
One of the hardest parts of compassion is humility and being able to forgive. Loving your enemies sounds a little hard to swallow, though image the reaction and impression upon children if your example is hateful towards others. Prejudices are taught by example, just as compassion is, and learning to forgive is essential to ever achieving compassion.
When a child comes home from school, heartbroken because they lost a friend, of course you will empathize. This is normal parental behavior. What about the other child? Talk to your child about how their friend probably feels as well and get them to understand that perhaps they are not the only one who is hurting.
Learning to forgive and to put aside any kind of animosity for others isn't easy. Imagine what message you send to a child when you discriminate against others. Compassionate people forgive and learn to understand that all people have an element of good within them, and if they act badly, perhaps have good reason for doing so which is deeper than surface stupidity or ignorance.
The child who is spiteful may not like themselves very much, and it is a sad reflection that those people who act with jealousy, rage, anger and negativity often do so because they simply don't know an alternative way of dealing with problematical periods in their lives. When you learn to forgive, you pass on the example of examination and understanding towards others.
Learning to commiserate.
When bad things happen, people say a lot of things they don't mean, even though appearing to be sensitive and correct in approach. When you help someone in trouble, remember that true compassion comes with sincerity. When someone loses a family member, cry with them and feel their pain. Do it openly and understand their loss. Too often we hold back our feelings and are afraid to give who we are to someone else, and in holding back lose compassion.
When a child loses their guinea pig, they don't want placating. They want to know that their loss is understood and the magnitude of that loss felt. Hold your child, say a prayer together and never underestimate the importance of that pet to the child. It is compassion which opens doors to understanding. The parent who simply dismisses that pet by suggesting they can buy another one doesn't yet understand how compassion works.
Learning sincerity.
By practicing sincerity, our lives are made less cumbersome. Often people who are insincere feel unhappy inside. The experience of sincerity is what makes your heart feel good and the best part about it is that when you do things out of compassion, rather than for any kind of recognition or reward, the reward itself is inner growth. Teach your children sincerity. Teach them not only to care, but to be able to show that they care. Small examples in your daily life leave their mark. Share their victories, their losses, and love them for the child they are, rather than the child you want them to be.
Children learn compassion easily if guided by your actions. Avoid talking about people behind their backs and then being nice to them when you meet them. The mixed messages this sends to children confuses them and may lose them the opportunity to discover the merits of sincerity.
Learning selflessness.
One aspect of compassion is indeed selflessness. Those people who go the extra mile for no reward other than helping learn the value of selflessness. Give generously in your day to day life and that doesn't mean material things. Give time to others. Think of their needs before your own. Share with friends without expecting returns. The bonus that selfless people gain is that their expectations of others are less, though so are their disappointments.
We cannot control those people who weave in and out of our lives. They too are living their lives. What we can do is approach all with an open heart and give without thinking of ourselves. Take your children to see people less well off than they are, and help them to understand about different religions, cultures and beliefs. One of the best examples of this in modern times was shown by the Princess of Wales who insisted her children met people who lived in shelters for the homeless.
It brought a sense of humility to the children to see that even under the most difficult of circumstances, these people could still have hope, and that it wasn't status that gave those people their sense of equality. The young princes could not even imagine living in circumstances such as these, though their mother's example showed smiling faces that remained strong despite adversity and made the princes aware of others, putting their thoughts of self into perspective. This is one of the most vital lessons a child can learn, and their parents example will put them in stead for a rewarding life no matter which road they choose to take, and one which incorporates compassion with very little effort.
Practicing compassion on a daily basis.
Getting up in the morning, embrace the day. Embrace the company of your children at breakfast and learn to be interested enough in them to discuss their day. Compassionate people take time to talk, but remember, they also take time to listen. Listening is a huge part of compassion, because unless you listen to others, how can you hear their need or pain?
Often, with the world being so fast these days, we forget the importance of listening. When friends call, listen to what they have to say and take a back seat when talking about your own needs. Of course, friendship is a two way street, though the person who learns to listen also learns inner peace and the ability to find solutions and help others with their problems. When a neighbor is ill or sad, visit them and take the time to stay to talk to them. Show your children the warmth of picking hand picked flowers for someone who is feeling down, or baking a cake for an elderly relative. Compassion is caring enough to put yourself out to others.
At the end of each day, no matter what religion you are, take time to say prayers or to count blessings. Children are great at thinking up who needs their prayers, and show amazing compassion when led in the right direction. "Who shall we pray for tonight?", leads them into thinking of others and opens up discussion about how you, as a family, can help those less fortunate.
Conclusion.
No-one asks for lessons in compassion. There are no teachers who can pass this to the generations to come, no qualifications to gain in compassion but those learned by chancing upon the secret recipe that defines compassion are richer in soul than those who never find its benefits. The lady who picked up the shopping you dropped in the rain showed you compassion. The child who gave you the first bite of their apple showed it, and all around us in the world, people from all backgrounds and races learn how light the heart feels when self is put aside to feel for others.
When you develop compassion as a way of life for you and your children, you are adding wealth to their younger days which money can never buy. You add a dimension to growth which stature cannot represent. It's a lesson and example a child will remember with and carry with them to pass on to their own children. This is the best inheritance a child can have from loving parents, as it develops into their way of life and caring for those people who cross their paths during the course of a lifetime.