by F.M. Leith

Created on: March 21, 2009

Moving an elderly parent or relative into your house can start with the greatest of intentions and end in what may seem to be terminal guilt over what appears to have been a bad decision. There are many factors to consider if you're thinking about moving an elderly parent into your home. Some of these factors are only obvious after it is too late to change your mind.

About eight years ago, my mother died. She was my grandmother's only child. They lived near each other in Florida, and I live in Pennsylvania. After my mother died, her husband moved to North Carolina with his son and my grandmother was left in Florida with her broken English and no family. Her friends, along with my mom's husband, encouraged Grandma to move with us. Before my mom died, I promised that I'd take care of Grandma. At the time, I had a 6 month old daughter.

Initially, Grandma wanted to find a condo near me. I quickly found out that everything had steps, was too far away from me, or was too expensive. We all decided that she would move into a spare bedroom in our house. She wanted to put an addition onto our house so that she could have more privacy. I was OK with it, and so was my husband. It would definitely allow me to be close enough to check on her regularly. I had her enrolled in the senior center and had planned on taking her there during the day so she could meet people and have a social life. She needed to keep busy and she still had a good mind.

We went ahead with the addition and Grandma had a nice new place to call home. It lasted about two years. I noticed that she was reluctant to go visit the senior center. She spent lots of time in her room playing solitaire and would pass on offers to get out of the house. Sometimes I would hear her talking. Later, I found out that she was talking to inanimate objects, like the radio or a lamp.

One day I was on the phone in our living room. Grandma came running to me, swearing and accusing me of spreading rumors about her. She accused me of trying to slit her throat. Alarmed, I called her physician, who recommended a hospital with a psychiatric unit for the elderly. After spending a few hours there, I was informed that if my grandmother could answer 3 questions, she would be deemed competent and allowed to return home. It turns out that she did know her name, where she was, and the name of the president. I wasn't sure what to do. I had a toddler and an infant by this time and I was afraid for them. I also wondered if Grandma might try to

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