When I was younger I'd heard of friends parents splitting up because one of them had cheated . I heard it happen frequently during my childhood yet I never fully understood what cheating was. It was never something I would dwell upon, after all I was 10 ,why should it be something I thought about for longer than 20 seconds. But when I was 15 I had my own first hand experience of how devastating cheating can be . And what happened made me grow up a lot faster than I should have. I caught my dad cheating on my mum. And the fallout from that is probably still to this day one of the hardest things I have ever had to go through.
I had a happy enough childhood, nothing out of the ordinary . From what I could see my parents where happy. Yeah they argued occasionally but no more than most couples which I guess is why it was so hard to imagine him cheating on my mum. My mum is an incredible woman, and my dad always seemed to adore her. Maybe he adored her so much he couldn't help but hurt her. Even to this day I've never asked him why. It's not my place to ask the questions, I'm not in the marriage.
The night I found out I was at a friends and had decided to stay over. My dad at the time was working as a nightclub doorman at the weekends to help a friend out, and the extra cash seemed to come in handy at well. It was after 11 when I was trying to call him to ask if it was OK to spend the night at Kane's when he cut my call off. I tried 4 times in succession and each time I was cut off so I sent a text. I simply asked if it was OK to stay over at Kane's and could he text back and let me know right away. I expected a normal reply " Yes sweetheart no problem, phone me tomorrow when you need picked up,be good Love you". A typical dad response, but that response never came. Instead I was greeted with a text saying " Party on girl, I'll keep your dad sweet , Kelly". Who the hell was Kelly I remember thinking. I honestly can't really remember what happened the rest of that night, I remember a few more texts being sent back and forth by my dad , but to be honest I was sort in a daze. I remember crying a little and Kane reassuring me it was probably nothing, just someone joking around and that all I could do was speak to my dad the next day. I slept fitfully and the by the next morning I had convinced myself that I was crazy to think the worst of my dad and even managed to make a little joke of it with Kane and his brother .
But when my dad came to pick me up , the look on his face said it all. He looked crestfallen and ashamed. We didn't speak much on the short drive home, but once he parked up he asked me outright would I tell my mum. I shook my head and said no and he seemed happy enough with that answer and climbed out of the car. The next few days I hardly seen him. I don't know whether I was subconsciously trying to avoid him so I wouldn't have to speak to him or whether he avoided me out of shame and embarrassment. I never got to ask. Two days later he moved out to stay with my uncle. He'd told my mum and she asked him to go. I assumed he would have told her I knew, but when I told her I knew she was shocked. I felt so terrible that I hadn't told her , but she was so great about it , she comforted me and told me I shouldn't blame myself that this was his mess. She was incredibly supportive towards me, an astonishing feat considering she was the one who had just found out that her husband had cheated. We talked, alot over the next few days and I didn't see my dad once. He was too ashamed to come home and speak to my mum.
They where apart for almost a week and during that time I was the only one at home with my mum. She was extremely hurt, more so than I know she wanted me to see. My brother and sister stayed with my Auntie Karen while my parents tried to figure out what to do. I spoke to my dad a few times on the phone, he mostly phoned to say sorry and to see how we where. Probably checking that we didn't hate him. I did try to hate him but I couldn't. I could hate the situation he created easily but he was my dad. My dad. I loved him. I just wish he hadn't of made such a mess. Eventually my parents talked and they decided that what they had was too special to throw away. My dad gave up his weekend job and my parents seemed happy. They seemed very much in love. They still do. Occasionally I see my mum looking at him and I wonder if she's thinking the same thing I think sometimes..."will you do it again". I love my dad but a little bit of my trust for him has gone and I don't think I'll ever get that back. It's sad because he used to be the one man in my life I knew I could always trust and depend on. Now I just seem him as just another male. He's went from being my superhero dad to being just human.
Looking back now that period in my life was emotionally very hard. And if it was hard for me I can only imagine what it must have been like for my mum. It's not really brought up anymore but the whole scenario has made me determined that I will never cheat on a partner. I'd rather have it done on me that do it on someone else. Yes that sounds crazy to read and your right I shouldn't ever wish that pain on myself, but I also never want to be that girl that puts some man through what my mum went through. She lost weight, cried herself to sleep and had to piece her own heart back together. I never want to be the girl who puts my future children through what we went through. I don't want them looking at me the way I look at my dad. Cheating is so destructive. In a matter of seconds you can destroy a marriage and the bond that comes with it. You can completely betray someones trust and break their heart... and for what? A quick thrill. I know in some cases people say you can't help who you fall for. And this is only from my perspective. But I at least think in cases where you do fall for someone else your partner has a right to know before you act on it. It's emotional cheating which I know can be just as damaging as physical cheating. Giving your body to someone is easy to do, giving your heart away is much harder. It can leave scars so much deeper.
The truth is if your considering cheating on your spouse, girlfriend, boyfriend or are thinking of having an affair with someone already in a relationship then I'd say stop. Don't do it. Think about the people you'll be affecting , not just the person your interested in. I know its easy for me to sit here and judge but I've seen the consequences of cheating numerous times and I seen my mum crumble as a result of my dad's actions . Just think before you act. You may think its innocent flirting but you never know where it could lead and who could end up hurt in the process.