by James Lynne

Created on: March 20, 2009   Last Updated: April 20, 2009

There was a time when the close-knit family all stayed in the same community, sharing each others duties and burdens. The Twentieth-Century brought that time to an end. Children leave home, move far away, and seek divergent life styles of their own choosing. However, as John Lennon so aptly put it, "Life is what happens when you are making other plans." Often the needs of the parent, especially due to aging and illness, create conflict between the needs of the adult child and the duty to assist parents in their needs. It is a complicated dynamic as old as time itself.

Cutting the "apron strings" is a necessary developmental process for children if they are to become independent adults. However, religious and cultural influences often interfere with the rights of children who would take a different direction in life than that chosen for them by parents. A child's struggle for independence from parental influence is lifelong. It becomes especially important as parents enter their declining years and find themselves needing their children's support.

Every person has the right to chart his own path in life. This is a basic human right. Wise parents recognize and encourage this. When parents accept the responsibility to allow their children to take wing, the children are more likely to use those wings to fly back at the time the parents need their support, later in life. When parents attempt to clip the wings of their children by tying them to parental expectations, the children may never return.

In Bible based cultures, the value is clear, "Honor thy father and thy mother." In ancient times when families lived together in the same tribe, collaboratively caring for the goats, sheep and cattle, it was not a problem for the adult son to erect a new tent nearby his parents to house the wife and children. As the parents aged, the son assumed greater responsibility for the tribe, including the welfare of his parents. Under these conditions, honoring mom and dad was truly not a challenge.

In traditional Biblical times, families stayed together in tribes because there were not many other options. It is a problem, though, in the Twenty-first Century when we attempt literally to apply the values of the Bible to a culture they no longer fit. Traditionally, honoring thy father and mother meant staying close to home, maintaining the same values, marrying within the culture and religion. It also meant that the children would care for their elderly parents when the parents could

• 1
• 2
• 3
• Next Page >>