by Wilma Bane

Created on: March 20, 2009   Last Updated: March 21, 2009

There are a lot of people that think when someone is in an abusive relationship they can just leave at any time and get out. Well I can tell you by experience it isn't always that easy. I was in an abusive relationship for 5 years. When me and this man got together we were together for a year and a half and I got pregnant and had our first son.

Shortly after that the abuse started, it wasn't so bad at first I thought. I had my next with him, and some people may ask why I had another child. Well I will tell you, I wasn't planning on it and was on birth control pills and still got pregnant. The abuse was getting worse, I wasn't allowed out of the house with the kids. I had to do the shopping and leave the kids home with him. At this time he only was physically abusive to me not the kids. One day it got so bad that he had beat me and sent me to the corner store to get cigarettes, I was only allowed to be gone a certain amount of minutes.

I decided to call the police instead and leave him. After calling them and going home they were already there. He told the police I could leave but I couldn't take his kids and they agreed that it was up to me to either go and leave the kids or stay. Of course I stayed with my kids, and then got a worse beating then before. He held me down and choked me and I was about to give up on life but I could hear my grandmother tell me I have to take care of my babies.

People think that people stay with these kinds of people because they must like it or something. Well not all circumstances are the same. Yes, I agree some people should just up and leave if they can. But, don't judge someone that hasn't left if you don't know why they are still there.

When I got pregnant for my third child I prayed every night for god to help me find a way to get out. I finally got my prayers answered. I was cooking dinner when my oldest son who was 3 at the time was having a bit of a tantrum and his father grabbed him and told him to shut up and then he bit his arm. I couldn't believe it. After all this time him not touching the kids. I finally had the leverage I needed, He left a mark on my son and I called the cops and when he said I couldn't take his kids they told him he would never have custody of the kids. So I got my prayers answered and left him, I went to an abusive shelter for a month and I learned a lot, not only about myself but to see so many other people going through the same thing.

Everyone that was in that shelter had a different story and some more horrible then others but, thank god they all got away and got the help they needed. So please if you see someone who needs help don't just tell them to leave, ask them what you can do to make the situation better for them and find out the circumstances that they are in to keep them there.

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