by Dagny Roth

Created on: March 20, 2009   Last Updated: March 17, 2011

I grew up in a very religious household. The way of life was rigid and matter of fact. Spirituality was then defined as how good you were and how hard you prayed. When I left home and experienced a rendezvous with freedom I ventured into a more liberal viewpoint on religion; well, to be honest I basically renounced all religion and steadfastly pursued my worldly life. When I first met my husband; he was a solitudinal person with an astounding amount of knowledge based in his theological studies. He worked as an estate manager at a Vineyard and his very lifestyle was in itself spiritual. At the time I was really struggling with some anger issues pertaining to my religious upbringing and what I would consider ultimate brainwashing. My husband became the rock in my life then. He provided me with the insight and reminder that I need not be angry at God specifically. He showed me a new light into spirituality and how we can grow in a "Godly" sense without the religious overtures which obviously didn't work for me. I should add they work for some people, just not me.

Ironically when I became pregnant and prepared for the birth of my first daughter; something within me slipped back into my previous way of life. I became obsessively invigorated and began attending the same church I grew up in. My parents were ecstatic! They immediately felt I was coming back to the fold and began sending me loads of doctrine and messages to keep me entranced. I wanted to be a good mother. No, let me rephrase that; I wanted to be the best mother. My only role models were my mother who painstakingly attended every church function, meeting and activity and of course the many other women who I grew up immolating. I thought this was what I was supposed to do. I sprung my new ideals immediately onto my husband only to discover he was not a ready recipient. In fact my quick change in paths threw him off completely and he was not pleased with how quickly I fit right back into the very mold I had broken when we met. We argued immensely. We went through scripture battles and ultimately our relationship was pushed to a breaking point. I must give him credit as he would sit through many a missionary lesson (because I would invite them over) where they proceeded to proselytize on my behalf. I became convinced I had to convert him and if I didn't we would never make it. Through my efforts I attempted to do all the right things. Set an example. I tried to quit smoking, go to church (even though our

• 1
• 2
• Next Page >>