by Ann E. Smith

Created on: March 20, 2009

Dealing with the past can be tricky. Some people don't deal at all. They shove their emotions and memories in a closet in their minds, and try to forget. However, it is healthier to deal with some of the major things that have happened in your past, and that involves honesty, courage, forgiveness of self and others, and action.

If you want to deal with your past, then you first need to spend some time reflecting. It is wise to list some of the major events from your past that have impacted your life. You may want to seek the help of a professional counselor in such an exercise.

When identifying some of the things from your past you may need to address, try to be painstakingly honest. Don't list only the things that others have done to you. Also, show the courage and honesty to list the things you have done to others that need to be addressed.

Often the unaddressed things from the past involve things like caused pain. For example, if your parents abused you as a child, then that probably needs to be addressed.

Or, did you drink heavily for many years of your life, harming your marriage as a result? Maybe your best friend died in a car accident, and you feel responsible as you were the driver. Perhaps you frequently feel "less than," and have not pursued certain jobs or relationships as a result.

Again, be as honest as you can when thinking about things from your past that need to be dealt with. It's not an easy exercise but it will be worth it.

Next, you will need to actually work through each of your issues. Are there certain things that you must just accept, even if they did not turn out as you would have liked? For example, did the love of your life end up marrying someone else? If this still haunts you, it may be time to accept that you were not meant to be with that person. You may also need to accept that it is time to move forward and be open to loving someone else.

The goal of this exercise is to accept not only what has happened, but how you and others handled what has happened. You may need to talk to a priest or therapist during this process. Or, perhaps you can seek the ear of a kind and trusted friend. It is also wise to turn to prayer for guidance during this difficult process.

While coming to acceptance of some of the painful things in the past, you will find that forgiveness is key: forgiving others, forgiving yourself and seeking forgiveness from others. It is crucial that you go through this step of giving and seeking amends. Otherwise, the real problems behind the past will come back to haunt you.

Forgiveness is not always an easy act to embrace. However, it is a loving thing, and it will free you from so many things. It is particularly important to seek professional guidance when trying to forgive someone who has truly wronged you, such as an abusive parent.

Finally, you will want to engage in actions. Perhaps this involves writing a letter to someone you have hurt. Or, you may need to set up a meeting with an estranged sibling to work though some issues.

As you address some of the painful things from the past, be as honest as you can. Also, keep it as simple as possible. And, finally you must be willing to change the way you do some things to prevent certain wrongs you have done from reoccurring. You must not only learn from the past, but take action so as to give yourself the chance to grow and evolve.

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