by Jeanette Cheezum

Created on: March 20, 2009   Last Updated: March 21, 2009

My mother passed away when she was only sixty three years old. I never had to make the decisions that my husband and I are facing for his parents. His mother is eighty-nine and his stepfather is ninety years old. At this time they are still in their own home with help from us when needed. They are very proud and have been strong willed all their lives.

My husband and I had discussed buying another home and moving them in with us, but because of their strong sense of independence. We knew that would never work.

Seven years ago my mother-in-law decided to move into the same small condo building we live in. Our unit is not large enough to take them in. So they moved in one floor below us. It's just like they are living in the same house with them downstairs. We can take the elevator or stairs and be in there unit in a couple of minutes. This has been a blessing in so many ways. However, it can cause hardships also. Those emergency calls late at night or early in the morning to stop her nose bleeds, congested heart failure or broken hip. Or help him up off the floor because he still thinks he can do the normal every day things we take for granted. Or pop an aspirin in his mouth when he has a minor stroke

One of us can get the paramedics to take them to the hospital in a timely manner. While the other stays with the one left at home. Many times we have to be their advocates once we arrive at the hospital. Please don't think you can send them off in the ambulance and everything will be fine. There is plenty of room for error.

But there are blessings, instead of having to drive across town or to another state we are able to take care of the situation right away. Of course this means lack of sleep, high strung emotions and rearranging your schedule to help them. Remember they would do this for us.

This has worked out well for them, because they still have their dignity and privacy. A part-time person comes in to bath him and give him his meds. To take the burden of household chores off my mother-in-law. She still likes to cook when she feels good and make chocolate candy for friends, doctors and family. She has that capability in her own home. I doubt that she could do that in assisted living. My in-laws have always been dressed nicely and loved to entertain. They have traveled and are well versed. Not being able to do these things is very hard for them to digest. We must be tolerant of their feelings.

We know the time to go to assisted living will come, but for now we are doing everything we can to allow them to stay in their home with all their treasured memories from around the world.

It is an adjustment for all of us. But what can we do? They are our parents. Bite our tongue and discuss these problems only when asked. Love and cherish them even when you're frustrated. Believe me it can be tedious and exasperating. You can have all the right intentions and fail. But you have to try. When you do get to sleep at night, you can take pride in the fact that you are a caring person.

Learn more about this author, Jeanette Cheezum.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.