by Sezin Koehler

Created on: March 20, 2009   Last Updated: March 21, 2009

In the English language "friend" is a blanket word used to cover a variety of different relationships. Some people refer to others as friends when "acquaintance" might be more appropriate. Some people don't distinguish between people they've known a long time and people they've just met, calling everyone a friend. To determine whether you should get involved in someone else's unhealthy relationship, you should first determine what kind of friend they are and how important they are in your life. If you consider them a real friend, not just an acquaintance, then it is your responsibility to get involved if he or she is in an unhealthy relationship.

Interfere is a very strong word and unless there is physical violence or emotional abuse going on, to interfere in a friend's relationship is stepping over the line. However, it is indeed one of a friend's responsibilities to at least tell their friend what they think and offer support and solutions if needed. Many times, people in unhealthy relationships are not necessarily ready to extricate themselves at the time, and sometimes they will get angry with you for saying something. However, if he or she is a true friend they will always remember that you tried to help and will appreciate the value of your friendship even more.

For example, if you were to find out that a friend's partner is cheating on them then it would be your responsibility as a good friend to tell them. If you don't then it means that you really aren't their friend to begin with, and will lead to a strained or ruined friendship when they ultimately find that you knew and said nothing. A real friend would never think that keeping such a monumental secret would be in their friend's best interest, and if this is your conclusion you should re-evaluate your friendship with that person. If you were in his or her position with a cheating partner or spouse, would you want your friends to tell you? It's a tough question for some who'd like to think that ignorance is bliss; but how can living a lie be blissful in the least?

Sometimes the situations are not nearly as dramatic as an affair: Maybe your friend's new boyfriend or girlfriend is just not good for them for whatever reason. In this case, it is still your responsibility to say something about how you feel. However, once you've said your piece you must let it go. It doesn't help to nag or criticise repeatedly, because this will just push your friend away. It's your responsibility to let them know how you feel and then leave it up to them to make their own decisions.

The choice to get involved in a friend's unhealthy relationship ultimately comes down to what kind of friend you want to be. You have to decide if you want to be there to help a friend through a rough time, to really be their friend not just when it is easy or pleasant. Being honest can be difficult, as can being the bearer of bad news. If the person is really meant to be your friend in the long term then no matter what conflicts emerge during their unhealthy relationship you will overcome it, and ultimately develop an even stronger friendship.

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