by Melinda Barr

Created on: March 20, 2009   Last Updated: March 21, 2009

Dating can be a challenge at the best of times but can become a bit trickier when children are involved. This by no means indicates that single parents are not worthy of your time or effort. It merely reflects that certain different challenges may have to be looked at before you leap in to this relationship.

If the person you are considering dating has a long line of broken relationships in their past, this has to be evaluated very carefully. Usually, where there is smoke, there is also fire. Anyone who has a checkered or dubious relationship track record is someone who has issues not yet dealt with.

A second point to consider is the length of time the person has been out of their past relationship. Each relationship end is traumatic no matter what the circumstances. A person must grieve this loss and re-adapt to the single life before he or she is truly ready for a new relationship. People who jump heedlessly and quickly into a new relationship before properly healing from the last one can spell trouble for you down the road.

Supposing that your new intended has moved past all of these issues, what then is the next step? Be prepared to include the child/children in the relationship in small casual steps. Understand that the children usually have no choice in the decision to bring a new partner into the household. There may be issues of jealousy, anger and fear to deal with. This is both normal and understandable behavior and can be successfully dealt with.

Being open, honest and understanding can be a great starting point. If children are to be a part of your future, then they need to be assimilated into the relationship in small, easy for them to understand steps. You need to know upfront that these kids already have two parents, whether they are currently together or not. You cannot be a "replacement" in any way, shape or form. This is unfair to all parties involved.

If you decide to take this relationship to the "next level", be very sure you have discussed in advance any issues involving the kids. In other words, talk about values, expectations, parenting styles and rules. Who will be the disciplinarian in this scenario? What will your adult role/responsibilities be? How will you fit into the family structure as a whole?

Be prepared for your new partner to put the considerations of the child ahead of your own at times. If this person is a good parent you will need to understand that you may at times have to take a backseat to the wants and needs of a child.

Partners have to work very closely together with the kids to reconstruct a new family unit that is beneficial to all. Communication and understanding are vital components to make this a success. As a man, you cannot be put in a position of being nothing more than financially responsible for the kids. As a woman be very careful you are not simply a nanny or the chief cook. These scenarios are doomed to failure.

In summary, many single parents go on to successful and fulfilling new relationships. Remember that if it is worth having, then it certainly has to be worth "fighting" for.

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