Bullying is about the use and abuse of power between a victim and a perpetrator. It is often described as harmless fun, rites of passage everyone goes thorough, but let it be clearly stated that bullying is always harmful. It is always abusive. It is always damaging to both the bully and the victim no matter how subtle or severe.
The recent surge in bullying among young people using cyber-techniques to taunt and terrorize their victims is a serious social issue. Cyber bullying has driven numerous desperate youth to suicide, but all that is new with cyber-bullying is the vehicle and the vengeance by which it is delivered. The school yard bully has been around as long as there have been school yards.
To the bully it is about “fun” because he is the one having fun. Harmless fun, however, is when both parties to the process enjoy the frolic and there is no power differential that robs one of his self worth. The line between the two is often obscured, because when cornered, bullies use the line, "It is only harmless fun," to cover their aggressive or passive/aggressive actions toward others.
Fun is when both parties can walk away taking something positive and uplifting from a shared encounter. If it is harmless no one loses face. If it is about fun, both have a good time. If it is about power abuse, both lose. Avoiding responsibility for their behavior, bullies often try to pass off their assaults on others as "just kidding" or "just joshing." The victim is often coerced into agreeing with the bully, adding insult to injury, laying on another layer of abuse with the ruse that he is not really upset or bothered.
When questioned, the victim of bullying will, on occasion, pretend that he is not being bullied. He is fearful of further repercussions, so he goes along to get along. This does not mean he is having fun. It means he has silenced his pain and frustration, trading it for the hope of better times. It is a flawed belief that silence about the bullying will buy him an improved situation. Suffering in silence is still suffering. Statistics support that many bullies drive their victims to the point of suicide.
Bullying is at epidemic stages in American schools. Many of the "youthful" box office movie hits of the last two decades are about the "fun" of bullying "nerds" or "geeks" in the school system. These movies empower bullies to enjoy "harmless fun" in the name of comedy or humor, but it is at the expense of the nerds and geeks. Geeks are de-humanized in these movies, creating the false belief that they are not harmed by abuse, that it is their way of achieving acceptance by the in crowd. Some of these movies even allow the "nerds" a measure of revenge, but this in no way minimizes the damage caused by these movies. It is not harmless fun even when the geeks and nerds extract vengeance on the bullies.
Cultural denial about bullying perpetuates the process. When this happens, the bully is allowed to persist in his denial that it is acceptable to use power to minimize others, and the victim often trades his self-esteem for the chance to be accepted by the bullying the culture. Both lose. The bully is allowed to get away with unacceptable, hostile behavior that often shows up later in life as aggression in the work place, road rage, bigotry, or criminal behavior. The victim often faces a life of emotional scarring.
Whether it is school yard bullying, cyber bullying, or bully politics, bullying is not harmless. Bullying never occurs within a framework of equality. It is always about one person's or one group's exerting power over another. It is always about creating winners and losers. Bullying is about power and the abuse of power.