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Bullying is often described as harmless fun. This description is usually offered by those who are in denial about the damage it causes, but let it be clearly stated that bullying is always harmful. It is abusive and it is damaging to both the bully and the victim. To the bully it is harmless fun because he is the one having fun. Harmless fun is when both parties to the process enjoy the frolic and there is no power differential that robs one of his sense of self worth. The line between the two is vague, because when cornered, bullies often use the line, "It is only harmless fun," to cover their aggressive actions toward others.

Bullying is about the use and abuse of power, creating a victim and a perpetrator. Harmless fun is when both can walk away taking something positive and uplifting from a shared encounter. If it is harmless no one loses. If it is about power, both lose. The schoolyard bully has existed as long as there have been schoolyards. To avoid responsibility for their behavior, bullies often try to pass off their assaults on others as "just kidding" or "just joshing."

Often what appears to be harmless fun is bullying that is not being accurately perceived by observers. When questioned, the victim of bullying will, more likely than not, pretend that he is not being bullied because he is fearful of further repercussions. He goes along to get along, but this does not mean he is having fun. It means he has silenced his pain and frustration, trading it for the hope of better times. It is a flawed belief that silence about the bullying will buy him an improved situation or make him feel better about himself.

Bullying is at epidemic stages in American schools. Many of the "youthful" top box office movies of the last two decades are about the "fun" of bullying "nerds" or "geeks" in the school system. These movies empower bullies to enjoy "harmless fun" in the name of comedy or humor, but it is at the expense of the nerds and geeks. Geeks are de-humanized in the movies, creating the false belief that they are not harmed by the abuse, that it is a way of achieving acceptance by the in crowd. Some of these movies even allow the "nerds" a measure of revenge, but this in no way does away with the damage caused by the bullying process. It is not harmless fun even when the geeks and nerds extract vengeance on the bullies.

Cultural denial exists when we refer to bullying as "harmless fun." When this happens, the bully is allowed to persist in his denial that it is acceptable to use power to minimize others, and the victim often trades his self-esteem for the chance to be accepted by the bully and the culture. Both lose. The bully is allowed to get away with unacceptable, hostile behavior that often shows up later in life as aggression in the work place, road rage, bigotry, or criminal behavior. The victim often faces a life of emotional scarring.

Harmless fun is about both parties agreeing to the process. It occurs within a framework of trust and alliance. Bullying never occurs within a framework of trust. It is always about one person's or one group's exerting power over another. It is always about creating winners and losers. Harmless fun is about win-win for both all sides. The line between them is quite clear. Bullying is about power. Harmless fun is about equality.

Learn more about this author, James Lynne.
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