by James Lynne

Created on: March 20, 2009   Last Updated: October 15, 2010

Bullying is about the use and abuse of power between a victim and a perpetrator. It is often described as harmless fun, rites of passage everyone goes thorough, but let it be clearly stated that bullying is always harmful. It is always abusive.  It is always damaging to both the bully and the victim no matter how subtle or severe.

The recent surge in bullying among young people using cyber-techniques to taunt and terrorize their victims is a serious social issue.  Cyber bullying has driven numerous desperate youth to suicide, but all that is new with cyber-bullying is the vehicle and the vengeance by which it is delivered.  The school yard bully has been around as long as there have been school yards. 

To the bully it is about “fun” because he is the one having fun. Harmless fun, however, is when both parties to the process enjoy the frolic and there is no power differential that robs one of his self worth. The line between the two is often obscured, because when cornered, bullies use the line, "It is only harmless fun," to cover their aggressive or passive/aggressive actions toward others.

Fun is when both parties can walk away taking something positive and uplifting from a shared encounter. If it is harmless no one loses face. If it is about fun, both have a good time.  If it is about power abuse, both lose. Avoiding responsibility for their behavior, bullies often try to pass off their assaults on others as "just kidding" or "just joshing." The victim is often coerced into agreeing with the bully, adding insult to injury, laying on another layer of abuse with the ruse that he is not really upset or bothered. 

When questioned, the victim of bullying will, on occasion, pretend that he is not being bullied.  He is fearful of further repercussions, so he goes along to get along.  This does not mean he is having fun. It means he has silenced his pain and frustration, trading it for the hope of better times. It is a flawed belief that silence about the bullying will buy him an improved situation.  Suffering in silence is still suffering.  Statistics support that many bullies drive their victims to the point of suicide. 

Bullying is at epidemic stages in American schools. Many of the "youthful" box office movie hits of the last two decades are about the "fun" of bullying "nerds" or "geeks" in the school system. These movies empower bullies to enjoy "harmless fun" in the name of comedy or humor,

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