by Ferg Fontaine

Created on: March 20, 2009

Raising teenage boys to be sensitive is quite a lofty feet. I have three sons, the youngest will soon be 18 and the oldest is 22. Of the three, my middle son, who is 20, could have his picture in the dictionary next to "sensitive male". The difficulty I have with narrowing down the recipe for sensitivity in a young man is that every individual has been endowed by their creator with their own unique bent. As much as I'd like to take credit for my middle son's kindness, goodness and "sensitivity", I have to admit that much of this is who God made him to be. Our youngest son can be the most insensitive person that I've ever met. As much as I hate to confess that, in making a point it is a necessary fact to point out. There are times that I notice a bit of sensitivity in him as well but he tries to keep it hidden. Generally it becomes apparent when one of his friends is experiencing some sort of family crisis. He will always voice his concerns for them and his desire to help in some way. My oldest is sensitive as well; not quite as overtly as his younger brother but all the same, his heart shows through when it matters most.

I don't think there is a recipe that can guarantee that your son will be sensitive. However, I do think there are prerequisites to moving in that direction with your male children. Through the years I have noticed differences in how my husband treats me and how he demands our sons treat me. My husband has always insisted our boys respect their mother; he has also always honored me as the most important beneficiary of their respect. Disregard or contempt has never been acceptable behavior. I believe this is the first step in the right direction. Of course, how parents carry themselves makes a big difference as well. I have had my sons come home with stories of parents fighting in front of them, fathers cussing out the mother or vice versa. They have even mentioned differences in homes that the parents, usually fathers, disrespect their sons; without regard to their friend being in the room.
I certainly cannot claim to have the patent on sensitivity; as I said, it can be hit and miss sometimes in a couple of my sons. I do believe that if we show them respect in how we speak to them, listen to them, honor them when honor is due, and own our mistakes when necessary, we can make strides in the right direction for a sensitive demeanor. Often I have heard the saying children should be seen and not heard, this couldn't be farther from the truth. This type of mindset will set up rebellion in any young person.

The bottom line is sensitive parents generally produce sensitive sons. Not sickly sweet, over feminine parents, or wimpy parents, but parents that have a sincere, humble, sensitivity to other human beings. My mother was always very kind, never raised her voice, and was rarely, if ever given to harsh anger; my brother, a product of her lone upbringing is a sensitive male. If getting our point across is first priority, we may miss the mark. If the outcome of who they become as young men is a focal point that stays in our view, I believe it is possible to make a difference in our sons. In this day and age, the world needs sensitive men to raise up a generation of fathers and husbands that will stay the course.

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