by Vivianne Ellis

Created on: March 19, 2009   Last Updated: March 20, 2009

My husband and I met online. He lived in America and I was in Australia. So I do know quite a bit about establishing an online relationship. Yet we were free to be in a relationship, which makes the difference between talking online and flirting and having an online affair. It is still an affair even if you have never met in person. You can be much closer online than in real life as you tend to tell the other person much more than if you were face to face. The way your partner will feel if they find out about your online love affair is just as devastating as if you were participating in reality. I say reality as if online is a fantasy. And a lot of the time that is just what it is.

The people involved in an online affair are usually living in a fantasy world. In their perfect internet world their partner looks like a supermodel, with no children or husband. Or he has a great job and looks like Brad Pitt. The 'facts' never get in the way of an online fantasy. That he or she is sitting at their keyboard dressed in sweat pants and a stained t-shirt never enters their mind. Neither does the fact that they are doing with you is something they would probably never do in the real world.

Online affairs can and do get ugly and complicated. What starts out as a little harmless flirting can end up ruining your life. You have no control over what the other person does with any information you give them. They could become a stalker, or call your partner if you decide to end the affair. The resources of the internet are vast and many people forget just how easy it can be to find someone with only the bare minimum of information. You are even vulnerable through your ISP.

If they do inform your partner of your affair they have a lot of evidence as you can keep every conversation you have online and many people do this as a routine thing. You can also change chat logs although most people don't know this. All you need is a chat log and the will to do it. Any emails, pictures, e-cards and anything you ever said or sent can be kept, printed and shown to your partner. It will be very hard for you to deny that kind of evidence.

If your internet affair ends badly you can feel very hurt. Just as much as in real time. You have given them your all and told them things you have never confided to anyone else. It hurts just as much to be let down online as it does face to face. The worst part of having an online affair is that it cannot end well for anyone. Somebody has to lose. If it is

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