by Patricia Sabina

Created on: March 19, 2009   Last Updated: March 23, 2009

Compassion is an empathic response towards another. It is also an empathic response towards oneself. Compassion may just be the feeling of empathy which arises on hearing about someone's difficulty or it may be a move to take action to help someone in need. It is an expression of open-heartedness towards oneself or another without judgement or blaming.

As a child grows and learns to live in the world, the compassionate action of his or her parents may not always take a form which pleases the child. As parents we may take pleasure in giving our child gifts and in seeing their expression of joy in receiving these gifts but we also want our children to appreciate the value of things. Perhaps the most compassionate thing we can do may in fact be to say, "No".

It would be easier to give into the demands of our children, and simply hand out that extra chocolate bar or the toy they want because we can't stand to hear their repeated demands. But the compassionate response is in fact to say "No" and not to give in. They will come to know that your "No" means "No". You have set the boundaries for acceptable behaviour and they learn that there isn't a limitless supply of the things they want. How much kinder that they discover this now, than later in relationships when the reality may be much harder to accept.

So we see that the underlying basis for any compassionate act is always holding out for the best interests of the person concerned and of course that also includes ourselves. It is equally as important to hold ourselves with compassion and in the case of parents with children, it is vital. If a mother does not take care of herself, if she ignores her own needs and does not nourish herself she is not only putting her own health at risk, but if she becomes ill, what will happen to the children?

We don't always know what is best for another and we may not know what is best for ourselves. Compassion teaches us that we don't have to know. We can't make assumptions about what is right or wrong for another. Compassion usually goes hand in hand with humility. We can offer support to another without imposing our idea of what would be best. All we have to do is ask how we can help.

Children growing up in a family where compassion is the way of life will have the best possible start in life. They will learn to respect the needs of others and how to respond to each other with care and love. They will have an essential foundation for creating good relationships in adulthood and have the best possible chance of becoming responsible citizens who enhance the communities in which they live.

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