Ladies, if you've ever tilted your head, wrinkled your nose, and gone "huh?" while watching a football game, you're not alone. To the uninitiated, American Football can appear to be a brutish display of overdeveloped testosterone. And for the most part it is, however, it is also a demonstration of strategy, teamwork, athleticism and sportsmanship. I understand if you just don't get football, but there are a few things you can do in order to be able to watch, and even enjoy the sport with someone you love. Step one is to understand the seemingly esoteric rules of the game.
-What are all those lines on the field?
A football field is exactly 100 yards from goal line to goal line. Between the two goal lines are individual yard lines, numbered one through fifty then back to one again. On the far sides of the goal lines are the end zones, where all the scoring takes place. And at the back of each end zone is a a giant y-shaped object called either the goalpost or the uprights.
-What, exactly, is the point?
Even though a game takes four hours to watch, teams have only sixty minutes - separated into 15 minute quarters - to score as many points as they can before time runs out. Not surprisingly, the team with the most points at the end of the game wins.
Points are awarded to a team for accomplishing one of several feats. First and most desirable is to advance the football across the opposing team's goal line. This is called a touchdown and is worth six points. You might have believed it to be worth seven, but actually, it's six. The seventh point comes only after the touchdown, when a team is given the opportunity to tack on extra points: one point for kicking the ball through the uprights, or two points for advancing the ball across the goal line again.
Points can also be scored by successfully kicking the ball through the uprights without having first scored a touchdown; this is called a field goal and is worth three points. Lastly, a team can earn two points for knocking an opposing player down in his own end zone while that player is in possession of the football, this is called a safety.
-How do they decide who goes first?
At the beginning of every game a coin is tossed to decide who gets to attempt to score first. Then, ironically, the ball is given to the other team. That team will kick the ball as far away from their end zone as they possibly can. It is up to the returning team to catch the ball and run it back in the direction from which it was kicked. A returner will carry the ball as far down field as he can before getting knocked to the ground by a defender. Once the returner has been felled, a referee will note the spot of the ball at the time of the tackle and this becomes the line of scrimmage for the first down.
-What the heck is a down?
Each time the offense gets the ball they have four chances to advance it forward ten yards from the original line of scrimmage. Each attempt is called a down. The line of scrimmage moves with each down, but the ten-yard mark does not. If the team succeeds in moving at least ten yards, they get four more downs, but if they fail the other team gets to go on offense.
If the offense has tried to move the ball three times but has not advanced the requisite ten yards they usually opt to punt, or kick the ball away. A punt is similar to a kickoff. Notwithstanding a few rule variations, the goal here is the same: get the ball as far away from your end zone as you possibly can.
-Who's who?
Each team has eleven players on the field at one time. That's twenty-two athletes squaring off against one another on every play. While one team is on offense (trying to score) the other team is on defense (trying to keep the offense from scoring (and if they're really lucky, scoring points themselves)).
Each player specializes in a particular position. The easiest position to identify is the quarterback. He's the guy who gets the ball first after it has been hiked, aka snapped, from the line of scrimmage. Once it is in his hands, the quarterback can either hand the ball off to a running back, or throw it to a receiver (or rarely, run with it himself). A running back's job is to carry the ball for as many yards as he can before getting tackled. Similarly, a receiver's job, is to catch the ball and run with it for as many yards as he can before getting tackled. Lending a hand are those hulking, 300-pound bodyguards called offensive linemen. Their job is to protect the ball carrier from the defense.
-What about the defense? What do those guys do?
Contrary to what it may appear, defenders do more than merely hit people. They also knock the ball out of the air causing an incomplete pass, steal the ball away from an offensive player causing a fumble, or even catch the quarterback's pass for an interception (which immediately puts the defense on offense).
Each defender plays a unique position opposite the position he is trying to defend. Defensive linemen face off against offensive linemen; defensive backs chase down receivers; while linebackers often tackle running backs.
-Still not interested in watching football?
Step two is to make the game interesting. The trick here is to pick a team. Go ahead, pick em because you like the color of their uniforms. Pick em because you love their mascot. Pick em because you have a crush on their quarterback! Just pick a favorite! You'll be surprised how much your perception of the game changes once you have a vested interest in who wins. Suddenly, instead of "ho hum," your going "Hit him! Hit him! Run! Run!" Ultimately, the key to enjoying football is first, to know enough about the game to be able to follow along, but more importantly, to care who wins!