by Lorenza

Created on: March 19, 2009   Last Updated: March 28, 2009

My second husband was raised in a conflicted environment, his mother staunchly Catholic and his father having an aversion to anything religious. There was overuse of alcohol which led to extreme domestic violence. He and his siblings were subjected to the stark contrast of what they learned in church and how their parents treated each other. At 12 he was an altar boy for his parish, but discovered that the priest his mother trusted was in no way a trustworthy figure, especially with young boys. From then on he refused to participate in what he saw as direct hypocrisy, and it colored his view of religion as a whole.

In my single parent home, my mother continually searched for the meaning of her life in scripture and the teachings of two major churches - the Lutheran and Episcopalian. I was baptized for the first time at age 7, and while I remember going to church with my mother, I retained little of what I heard there. Every Christmas Eve she would take us to the midnight mass at the local Catholic church, but more for the pomp and pageantry of the Latin ritual than for the spiritual aspect. None of my childhood experiences at church seemed to touch my soul, I didn't understand, and my mother was so conflicted that I saw no direct benefit to me.

Over the years I spent time searching, attending a Methodist Church, a Church of Christ, a Baptist Vacation Bible School, and an Assembly of God church. Then I met my first husband, who was a converted member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints - the Mormon Church. I had read a lot about other religions - Buddhism, Hinduism, Islam - and though there was a common thread in that people were taught to love one another, I felt the Mormon religion was closer to my Judeo-Christian background. I joined the church at age 18, believing that it was the path to my salvation.

I realized early on that I could not align myself with the way women were excluded from certain practices in the church, and how men seemed to be in charge. Being raised without a father, I had been taught that women were not second-class citizens, they had intellect and ability equal to and sometimes far above men, and were not relegated to accept a life in subservience to a man. The Mormon faith directly denied me that equality, and I could not live that way.

When I met my second husband, I was in a life phase where religion was not at the forefront and did not play a part in our relationship. But after years of trying to raise two children in

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