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It can be so hard to watch your best friend in a doomed relationship. I've been there before. My best friend has had her share of loser boyfriends, with drama to match. Every time she's broken up with a boy, it's always been because the relationship got old, or they had irreconcilable differences. She's taken all her relationships very seriously, though, and has refused to just break up with a boyfriend until she has tried everything to fix whatever problems there are in the relationship. The cycle always plays out...

From seeing that happen, she's often turned to me for insight. Funny thing is, she'll listen but not take the advice. In the end, she carries more and more baggage around with her. You'd think she was still in high school with the way she's acted! But honestly, I think she's had a problem with herself that has made her not be able to forge a proper relationship. I told her as much when she was suddenly single again. She cried, realized that she had some personal problems to work on, and together we brainstormed on things she could do to make positive changes in her life that could affect the quality of men she would date. That only went so far.

Two boyfriends ago, she ended the relationship in disgust, because the boy had been cheating on her. Then she went on to date someone who smoked pot and had bad friends. Her biggest problem with that relationship had been in not being able to feel connected to him, not being able to turn to him with her problems, and not having much communication. Well, it sure works both ways! She didn't tell him how she felt until she was ready to break up with him. I had been trying to tell her to do it much earlier, but she kept giving him the benefit of the doubt. So of course he was hurt when she finally told him, but wanted to make things work for the better and improve their relationship. Instead, she broke up with him because she had lost interest. I pleaded with her not to date the next person in line, until I saw them together and felt that perhaps she had finally found her soul mate. Both my husband and I agreed that he would treat her right, and we were comfortable with the match. It might sound silly, but she really thrived on our approval. She played it cool and stayed friends with this guy first, before taking the plunge.

That was several months ago, and they're still dating. They've had their ups and downs, even to the point where she mentioned wanting to break up with him, because she said they were having some really bad problems. But then she and I had a falling out over a few things, and I've not talked to her since. Who knows if she'll ever find happiness, and it hurts to see my friendship with her severed. But there comes a point when you can only do so much for your friends. And I could only take so much negativity from her regarding life in general. So I think that while it's appropriate to step in and help a friend with relationship problems when they ask for it, you can't expect to solve their life's problems. They have to do that for themselves, and unfortunately some people learn the hard way, or not at all.

Learn more about this author, Natasha L. Kohlhoff Polak.
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