by Lorenza

Created on: March 19, 2009

Children learn what they see in the actions of those around them, especially their parents. If you tell them to care about the feelings of others, yet show them conceit and hypocrisy, what do you think they will learn? There are steps to take to develop compassion as a way of life, and it has to be something that is passed on from generation to generation.

When I had children, I wanted them to care about one other because someday their father and I would be gone and they would need each other. I did not want them to learn to be mean children. I wanted them to care about others. I talked to them constantly and hugged them often, told them how important they were to me and apologized if I ever hurt their feelings. I lectured sometimes, told them that other people had feelings that could be hurt by their words or actions, and that if they didn't like their feelings to be hurt, they should not try to hurt someone else's.

We were poor, but we always managed to keep a roof over our heads, food in our stomachs and clothes on our backs - even if we had to shop at the Salvation Army or stand in line for government cheese. It was out of our impoverished state that I learned how to really give my girls a lesson in compassion that they remember and carry with them to this day.

They were 10 and 14, and used to having a sparse but happy Christmas. But that year I had separated from my husband, and the money from my part-time job was barely going to keep the wolf from the door. It had gotten to the point where I had to forego paying for Christmas and pay the mortgage instead.

Unhappy and feeling quite deprived, the children complained rather loudly. No tree? No ham? NO PRESENTS? I let them vent their feelings and then I sat them down. We would be having Christmas, it just was going to be a different kind. We would give the only thing we could give that year - of ourselves - and in giving of ourselves, we would receive gifts beyond comprehension.

Of course, being children, they didn't believe that serving dinner at the Salvation Army Center was going to be any kind of gift for them, but they were ultimately surprised. I was very proud that they dug right in beside me with no further complaints. In fact, they came away with a new and different perspective. To this day they always try to find a way to help others, and remind me often of what they learned that one Christmas when they were young.

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