by Catharine Rasband

Created on: March 19, 2009

There seem to be two extremes in society today. Children that are pushed so hard that they're barely allowed to be children, and children who are left alone to spend hours playing video games, text their friends, and watch the nearly infinite number of available TV channels. Where's the happy medium and how can it be achieved?

We all want our children to grow up to be successful. We want them to be able to get good grades because we know that means that they will be more marketable. We want to give them lots of opportunities in the arts or in sports, so that they can discover their talents and find joy and satisfaction in achievement. And, sometimes we want them to accomplish all the things that we were never able to.

It's important to give our children opportunity, but we need to find a balance, and optimally, we need to let the kids take part of the responsibility in finding that balance.

I have been taking ice skating lessons for the past few years. One morning there was an oriental boy on the ice who was skating phenomenally. He couldn't have been more than 10 years-old. I turned to my coach after the child did an amazing jump and said with a smile, "that's just not fair." Her response: "He works for it. he skates every day and practices for hours. I've also seen his mother beating on him in the bathroom if he's not working hard enough." I sobered up and said, "I don't think it's worth that." My teacher agreed, "but," she said, "he'll be your champion."

Will he be a champion because his parents want him to, or because ice skating is something that he loves? Most children in this situation will achieve greatness because of the prodding of their parents. Maybe the child will end up appreciating that effort, but I believe that most often they will be resentful. I personally feel that the child should have a part in making the decisions of how hard they are willing to work for something and where they most want to invest their time.

Recently I started my eight-year-old daughter in ice skating lessons. She's the youngest of my eight children. Ice skating is a rigorous sport. It requires private coaching and daily practices if a child is at all interested in competing. Private lessons are also essential if someone wants to learn to jump or spin or learn other basic "moves in the field." When a parent puts that much money into a sport, it seems logical that it's not just for recreation. Because I love ice skating so much, I have to ask myself fairly often, "What

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