by Jennifer Gerber

Created on: March 18, 2009   Last Updated: March 27, 2009

Secrets can be the death of a relationship especially if they revolve around money. When you are committed to someone and sharing your life with this person, you expect there to be complete trust. However, when that trust is violated it can be devastating.

In the late 90's, I was married to a man that I loved and put absolute faith in regarding our finances. He never gave me any reason to question him. The problem is I was young and nave. Each year we would meet with "his" accountant to prepare our yearly income taxes. During one such meeting, questions began to arise about various accounts that were not properly documented. Greg, as I will call him, had to abruptly leave the meeting to run back to the office, so when the CPA began asking about these items I was thrown for a lope. Not only did I not have any idea what he was talking about, but I also felt a stab through my heart for the betrayal of not disclosing our current financial situation. As the web of deceit continued to unfold, I discovered that this man that I trusted had an elaborate network of investments and other various secrets skillfully hidden from me, including two ex-wives that I knew nothing about. He even went so far as to have a separate PO Box established in another city. Talk about not knowing the person that you married. I had become a pawn and even though the clues were there, I missed them.

In the end, his deception ultimately destroyed our marriage, as well as, set a precedent for all future men in my life. No longer would I easily dole out my trust. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. Through this experience, as painful as it was, I learned a very valuable lesson. If something doesn't smell right, then it's probably rotten. You have to trust your instincts. When that inner voice begins screaming "DANGER", listen to it. It could save years of heartache not to mention lawyer fees.

Let me provide you with some tips for preventing this type of situation from happening to you or someone that you love. First, before you ever say I do, sit down with your beloved and have "The Talk." No I don't mean that talk, the one that provides full disclosure of each other's financial situation. Second, you need to prepare a marital budget and discuss how financial matters will be handled. Some important questions to ask are: Who pays the monthly bills? Will you maintain separate checking accounts or combine them? Is there going to be a prenuptial agreement and if so, what will the terms

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