by Kelly Ismail

Created on: March 18, 2009   Last Updated: March 17, 2011

When I was in my twenties, I was confused about my Christian religion. The fact that Jesus died for my sins was unfathomable and that all could be forgiven was even more confusing. I was a single parent to a beautiful little boy and I lived my life with the fact that God was everywhere and could be seen in everything.

I met a man when my son was a year old and fell in love with him. We married when my son was two and a year later my daughter was born. I thought I had the perfect marriage until my husband became very ill. It was during that time that I found out he had full blown Aids and another life with the same sex. I was devastated and bitter and angry. I decided that I would live up to my vows and the promise I made to God and I brought him home and took care of him. He was diagnosed in February and in May I couldn't handle it anymore. I was exhausted and going through so many emotions that I was begging God to take this man or take me. Two days later, God answered my prayers and he passed away. Now I was a single mother to a three year old boy and an eighteen month old little girl. I lost my house and everything I had.

I remarried two months later to a Muslim man. I was so angry about the time with my first husband that I thought God had left me and was punishing me for some reason. I left my Christian faith and decided to walk to the path of Islam. I read countless books and the Quran. I studied the religion backwards and forwards. This was my new religion where people who did wrong weren't just automatically forgiven for the horrible things they do to people. I lived in my new religion believing that my first husband was suffering for his wrongs and I was content with that. My second husband was happy to have a wife that was totally engrossed in his faith.

Five years into our marriage, I wasn't happy anymore. I felt like there was something missing inside me. I had come to a point in my life where I was finally dealing with the things from my first marriage. I had started taking the time to look over things and started realizing that there were miracles and prayers answered from that time that I neglected unintentionally to see. You see, when my first husband became so sick, I was told that I was more than likely sick also and had to be tested all the time. The people at the Health Department were very sympathetic and had practically diagnosed me with Aids also. Test after test though came back negative. That's a miracle. My children had to be tested

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