My husband has always been self-employed in the construction industry. Tax time is stressful for many couples, but more so for those who receive a 1099 form than for those who receive a W-2 form. Couples who both work as employees of someone else generally have no surprises when it is time to file taxes. Each person receives a check on a regular basis from which taxes have been withheld. The self-employed receive a statement of earnings for the year from which no taxes have been withheld. This means you have no employer to pay part of taxes on wages earned. You are responsible for taxes owed on state and federal income.
Because my husband usually received cash at the end of the work week(he was employed by his father), it was very easy for him to hide exactly how much he earned. Mike would give me an amount of money each week to pay bills and buy food and other necessities. I had no idea how much he kept for his personal expenses, but I assumed it was enough to buy gas for his truck, food and drinks for lunches, and a modest amount for his hobby of shooting billiards at a local Pool Hall. Because construction work depends a great deal upon the weather, the actions of sub-contractors, and the availability of work, Mike's weekly pay would vary. There were times that he did not work at all during the week. Although I did not earn much, I did have regular work as a waitress in a popular restaurant where the tips were fairly good. Many weeks, my wages and tips were the only monies deposited in the household account. I kept nothing back for personal use. If I had, the bills would have gone unpaid.
The first several years of our marriage, all tax information was gathered and turned over to my father-in-law who hired an accountant to prepare and file taxes for the business and for Mike and me. The only thing I contributed was my signature on papers that were quickly snatched up as soon as I had signed. I was told that copies were kept with business papers if we needed them for any purpose.
One year, two things happened that shocked and hurt me deeply. The accountant for the business died, and I insisted upon preparing our own tax papers. Mike and his father protested long and loudly, but I was not deterred. I had my tax form and I insisted upon the receipt of Mike's 1099. What I discovered was unbelievable. For each of the six years we had been married, my father-in-law had claimed the both of us as dependents on his tax returns. There was nothing showing on the records towards the social security we would one day rely upon after retirement. The other secret involved the amount of money Mike was paid each week. He had received an amount that was fifty percent greater than what I was led to believe.
After much arguing, which included shouting, insults, tears, and threats of divorce, I learned where the extra money had been spent. Much of the money had been lost on bets at the pool tables. A great amount of the money was loaned to "friends" who never bothered to repay the loans. A regular recipient was Mike's younger sister who enjoyed a life of leisure, drinking, and drugs. It seemed that Mike had paid her bail on several occasions.
From that day until now, I have prepared our tax returns. I know how much money comes into the household and from what job it came. Because the self-employed receive form 1099, it is imperative that I know how much money has been earned. We are responsible for 100% of the taxes. The loans were made only upon condition that our bills, expenses, and needs were met first and the party was willing to enter into a written contract with interest applied. Funny thing, no one needed a loan anymore.
Trust and forgiveness did not happen overnight. My greatest hurdle was getting over the hurt of knowing I worked long hours on my feet while Mike and his friends were having a party. My job accomplished nothing. Mike was giving away or loosing enough money that I could have stayed home to raise our children. That is exactly what I did. I forced my husband to grow up, leaving me with two children instead of three.