by Toni Anne

Created on: March 18, 2009   Last Updated: May 25, 2009

Bullying is the willful act of malice towards another human being, bred from anger and ignorance on the part of the abuser. These abuse can be either physical and/or verbal with profund affects on the receiving party. Defining the line between bullying and harmful fun, however, is a much more daunting task for both parents, teachers, and society as a whole. How do we tell the difference between bullying and playful teasing?

Sometimes good-natured teasing is masked by the act of bullying. The intentions of a person is extremely difficult to determine. It's not like we have a crystal ball to see in the heart of a person. Maybe Johnny does want to play football, is probably really good at it, but chooses not to join the team for the lack of confidence. Should his family and friends prey on that inability by saying What's the matter Johnny, need velcroe on your hands to catch the ball? and just call it harmless joking? I think not.

In a recent study, 77% of the students polled said they had been bullied at some point in their lives and 14% of those who were bullied said they experienced severe reactions to the abuse. After more research on www.safeyouth.org the facts were also broken down according to gender. "While male youth target both boys and girls, female youth most often bully other girls, using more subtle and indirect forms of aggression than boys. For example, instead of physically harming others, they are more likely to spread gossip or encourage others to reject or exclude another girl," according to Olweus, D., in his book, Bullying at School: What We Know and What We Can Do.

Society seems to be remarkably uninformed to the truths about bullying. Boys will be boys is no longer an acceptable excuse. In the guise of being humorous and lighthearted, even the youngest of children are being bullied by peers in school, during outings at the playground, and throughout the neighborhood. Older kids seem more apt to pick on the younger ones, therefore making themselves feel powerful and in control. Even among siblings there can be harmful bullying if not closely monitored by the parents.

Parents are the first conquering heroes in the war against bullying. Teaching basic respect, heartfelt compassion, and personal empathy for others during those formative years are great places to start. No hitting, biting, name calling, throwing toys, tripping others, and so on. Teaching to share is another way to control some bullying escapades. If a youngster doesn't know how to share a toy then it is likely he or she will grow up to just take what they want without caring how it affects others. In turn, the recipient is thrown in to a situation to hit and scream, snatch the toy, or feel inferior and do nothing at all. Building confidence skills in our youngster can lead to knowing the difference between teasing and bullying. In essence it comes down to the inner soul of a person.

Does this mean kids can't have fun with each other? Absolutely not! However, fun doesn't include belittling, demeaning, or otherwise making a person feel worthless and unwanted. Telling Johnny that he could be a great asset on the football team, but he'd need to improve his catching abilities while adding a big slap on the back would seem more appropriate. Give our kids the tools to know how to be funny, high spirited, and joyful but not at the expense of others. After all, who doesn't like a good laugh now and then?

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