by Robert Owens

Created on: March 18, 2009

Deciding whether or not to interfere in a relationship is a very complicated question. First of all it is important to realize that in the end the final choice is your friend's and that doing anything too radical may ultimately estrange or even earn you their hatred. If you are only casual acquaintances then I would say that it is not your place to get involved, you do not know that person well enough yet. If you are casual friends then you could hint at the unhealthy nature or make a comment or two, however you should not dwell on it. If your friend wants to talk about it they will. On the other hand if you are very close, then you have a moderate amount of maneuvering room.

If it is truly unhealthy in obvious ways, (the person is a drug addict, abuses the friend, cheats or etc) then you should definitely challenge the relationship on those grounds. If necessary you may decide that law enforcement is needed but this is a last and very risky resort to your friendship. Do not call the cops arbitrarily or you will find your friend is now your enemy. You may also look like a fool. If you decide you need to talk to your friend about your concerns you should do it calmly and in a non confrontational manner unless your friend is in imminent physical danger. You have no right to tell them how to live, but you can mention your concern for them.

First however you must establish that the relationship is truly unhealthy. If the person merely seems to dislike you, that is not enough grounds to interfere. You may mention it to your friend but that is enough. If your friend asks you to back off do so and don't bring it up again. At least do not bring it up for awhile. The best thing to be to continue to be a friend and to be supportive while minting your space. Unless you are in physical danger from their relationship in which case you need to adequately explain your worries to your friend and your reasoning as to why you must withdraw at least for no. It is important to do this while triggering as little resentment or hard feelings as possible. There are many ways to determine if a relationship is truly unhealthy. Is the person cheating on your friend and you know this for a fact and can prove it? This is a tricky and dangerous situation. Some people to choose to leave it alone and others tell all. If you tell expect to be involved in whatever the final outcome is and to take part of the responsibility either way especially if this person was married to your friend. Does this person frivolously spend your friend's money and damage their stuff? Do they constantly lie to your friend? Are they obviously using them? These are some points to consider.

In the end, sometimes the best course of action is waiting. If the relationship seems truly unhealthy then talk to them about, but unless you feel they are in real and imminent danger do not get to involved. Anything you do will be on your record with them forever and while they may forgive a slip up, the more severe your reaction the less likely they are to listen to you instead of writing you off as angry or even jealous. Being calm is the key whatever you decide to do.

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