by Tina Shelnutt

Created on: March 18, 2009

All the right intentions to do the right thing...always lead to bigger issues. I believe that we should be there for our parents as they were there for us. No one wants to have a parent live alone when they are struggling. When it becomes a matter of safety for the parent and for others; there is no question about what must be done.

We have to look deeper into the decision to move a parent into our home. We have to consider the children, our spouse, and the parent. How will this change our life? How will it affect the family members? How will it affect the parent? Being the parent who has to give up a lifetime of living their own life to rely on their family is a very hard adjustment to make. Everyone needs to be open and honest about their feelings and concerns.

A teenager will have concerns about Grandma telling them how to live their life. A spouse will have concerns about the time they will have to give up with their spouse; the parent will have concerns about being a burden and feeling like they are in the way. The child of that parent will now have the added responsibilities and concerns for all involved.

To make this work, you must have an open door policy. Make it known that if anyone is having a hard time, they can come to you and share their feelings. It must be agreed that everyone will have respect for the others privacy and space. Let it be known from the start that this may be a big adjustment for everyone and you will have to work as a team. There will be unexpected issues from time to time which will need to be addressed. Everyone will need to have love, respect and honesty to make this work.

Impossible! No! We have done this with two parents, my mother-in-law and now my mom. There are positives and negatives to any family living together. A parent can be an asset and blessing to have around. And at times they can be difficult; as we all can be. How we choose to handle this situation will make all the difference. We chose to accept each other for who we are and love them unconditionally.

The most important thing to ask your parent what he/she would like to do. Allow your parent to voice their opinion and wishes. There are many different options to consider before moving a parent into your home. Senior housing, assisted living, retirement communities, respite care and so on. You can contact your local Senior Citizens Group to learn about the services and resources available to seniors. Weigh the pros and cons of all options and make an informed decision together.

All the right intentions always! Easy and care free, never. Doable Definitely!

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