by Natasha L. Kohlhoff Polak

Created on: March 17, 2009

Responsible children make responsible adults, and their choices will ultimately benefit their parents. Does this make them responsible FOR their parents? That depends.

Children are taught to respect authority, obey rules, and learn lessons essential to becoming well-adjusted adults. Once children are grown, they gain an understanding of what it took their parents to raise them. Hopefully, that understanding includes a strong sense of responsibility and pride in the family's name, which results in their being goal-oriented and conscientious.

While an adult is responsible for making his or her own choices without anyone's approval, there is a cost of being an adult. It is self-sacrifice. Sadly, not everyone possesses this trait. Those who miss it often do not have a sense of responsibility toward anyone but themselves, and they don't have the time to be positive role-models to the children in their lives. Ultimately, that cycle is destined to repeat itself.

But for those adults who have learned the secret to living fruitfully, they know that eventually there will come a time when they will be needed to help their parents. That is just part of being human. Wisdom comes with age, and so does respect. The understanding of what struggles were involved in helping raise a family spur grown children to help their parents when the time comes. Traditionally, the role of the aged has been very sacred. They are revered for their wisdom and are given the utmost respect and care. They are not talked down to, not abused, not neglected. Even Biblical wisdom decrees: "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother (which is the first commandment with a promise), so that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth," as stated in Ephesians 6:1-3.

With anything, however, there is a limit: wise parents know this and will do all in their power to be as self-sufficient as they can for as long as they can. Truly self-less parents will not want to overburden their children, because they know that their children are happy to be of help out of a sense of love and gratitude as a result of the years of self-sacrifice. These parents don't guilt or threaten their children into obeying, nor do they treat them as slaves. Such misplaced love is really a mixture of greed and jealousy, not unlike the corrupt world and spiritual leaders throughout time.

There remains a time and place for everything - including dropping out of college, putting mom or dad in a nursing home, or paying for any of their debts in their demise. Such things are, in the long run, temporary. But parents want their children to be reasonable about what they decide on their behalf. If what their children must decide will hinder them from providing for themselves or their own families, they should not be forced to take on an added burden. Parents will understand this. There is not just one right answer when it comes to what we must all face with our parents; it is a different story for each family, and different sacrifices are required at different times.

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