by Mark Borries

Created on: March 17, 2009

Pushing your child to succeed is a inappropriate choice of terminology. As a parent we should know what effect pushing a child, especially a strong willed one, has on the child. It makes them fight the process and have a negative opinion of whatever you are pushing them towards. What I feel is a better choice is to spend your time encouraging your child to pursue things they enjoy and areas in which they excel. Almost every aspect of your life can be made into a career you are going to enjoy. And a job you enjoy doing, is a job in which you are going to thrive and succeed.

We all want success and happiness for our children. We can stress upon them how important an education and the proper training can be. But once we start pushing them in directions they aren't comfortable with, or are what we think they need to be doing, is where the conflicts begin. They dig their heels in and refuse to do the work, and we push even harder. It's a tug of war that neither side wins. Either they cave in, and are pushed into a career they aren't happy with, because it wasn't their choice. Or we throw in the towel, and quit pushing. We let them do what they want, but the underlying resentment, that they didn't follow our wishes is always there. We give backhanded compliments, or always find a flaw in what it is they have chosen for themselves.

We can avoid the conflict and head butting with simple change of strategy. Encourage them to do things they enjoy, find ways to turn what the like to do into a career they will love. Everything you child enjoys doing can have a possible paying application. If your child enjoys video games, the game designer market is booming. If your child enjoys writing stories. encourage them to be the next J.K. Rowling. Encourage your child to try new things, and help them explore the possibilities. When it comes to your child's future, there are no stupid ideas or silly dreams, if you are willing to help them explore for themselves. We need to understand this is their life, not an extension of ours. Just because you are a Doctor or Lawyer, there is no law saying that is something your child will find interesting. If they want to follow in your footsteps, great, you already know what they will need to know. But if they decide to follow another path, you should be just as supportive.

Children need our love, our guidance, our approval, and mostly our love. You can have a firm hand guiding them along the right path. The problems start when it becomes a push to somewhere they don't want to go. You know yourself, you would much rather do something you choose to do than things you are forced to do. Children need to know that whatever path they choose, there will be some concessions to be made. Some less than idea things we will be forced to do to get to where we want to be. But showing them how to maintain a reasonable balance between the things we have to do and the things want to do, is the best way to help them reach the success we want for them.

Learn more about this author, Mark Borries.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.