by R. Colleen

Created on: March 17, 2009

There are a number of considerations to be made prior to moving an elderly parent into your home. Assuming they are able to do so, ascertain whether or not they really want to or whether or not they need to move in with you. It is a terrifying thing for the elderly to lose what they may consider their last vestige of independence. While they may have already lost the privilege to drive and, without a doubt, need care whether it comes in the form of making meals, getting them dressed, supervising medication or just to alleviate loneliness the right intentions (understanding, compassion, love or plain practicality) are not the only key factors to be considered.

Recently, in speaking with my mother, she informed me in no uncertain terms that, because she cannot climb stairs, she would not live in a two-story house. Since we already have a paraplegic son we care for, a stair-lift has been installed so this excuse was negated. The next rationale was needing a space of her own, not just a room, mind you. While I would love to be able to have her live with us, until we can find another house, preferably one with a small apartment attached, we are between a rock and a hard place. One of the other factors was already being caregiver to an adult child. Don't I already have too much to do? As we recognized the list of excuses could go on indefinitely, even though we met each and every one with a workable solution, the main reason she is reluctant to come here is because, for her, it means giving up what little independence she has left.

I'm not the only one facing this situation. Many of my friends have elderly parents who are coming to the close of maintaining their own residence. Many of them have siblings but feel they are the only ones who would be able to adequately meed their parent's needs. There are a few who turn a ghastly pale at the thought of living with their parent (especially their mother) for any length of time. Visits are fine but to be in the same house day after day sends an icy finger of fear along their spine.

I have often heard the old adage that "two women in a house means nothing but trouble" and wondered how this could possibly be true. We are talking about an elderly
woman, aren't we? How much trouble can she be?

Apparently a lot! She has many years of doing things her way, cooking foods according to her tastes, caring for the needs of others, making her own decisions and living her own life. She has her favorite television shows, her own sleep schedule,

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