by Vince Smith

Created on: March 17, 2009

This is a very difficult topic for most people to deal with, mainly because you're caught between the incredible cost of placing a loved one in a nursing home or assisted living facility and inviting them into your home, which is ill equipped to handle them.

Before you bring your elderly parent into your home, there are many things to consider. Are they able to take care of themselves and get around or will you have to be with them all the time? What if you and your spouse both work full time and can't be there in case something happens to them?

When my mother lived alone, she got really sick and didn't tell any of us until we had to call an ambulance after visiting her and seeing her condition. Even after that, she wouldn't leave her tiny apartment in a high rise senior citizens building until the day she died. In contrast, my brother's mother-in-law had a stroke and had to come live with them and it became impossible for them to care for her eventually and they had to get her some professional care.

It is like a second full time job if you work and it is not for the faint of heart. Imagine working at a group home but with only one patient - your mother or father. It's painful to see them in the state they're in day after day and it will blow the images you used to have of them out of the water if you let it. It's frustrating and maddening and it will cause problems in your relationship with your spouse at times, but you love them and will do what you have to do.

For some, this is a financial decision as well because they simply cannot afford to put them in a nursing home or assisted living center. In this case, you don't have any choice and must take them in and take care of them.

This type of decision depends a lot on what type of person you are. Some people would rather pay somebody to take care of them and not deal with the emotions of it, while others could never see doing that to a loved one and will sacrifice their time and energy to see that they are taken care of at home. You really have to take a deep look inside yourself and your partner to make sure which type of people you are and make sure that both of you are on the same page and ready to deal with whatever happens because it will test your sanity and your patience on a daily basis.

In the end, you may take on the burden, only to find that you can't handle it and have to go the other route but at least you can say you tried. Then again, you may take it on and find that it satisfies you greatly and are better for the experience. It all depends on who you are.

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