by Lorenza

Created on: March 17, 2009

Parents should never push children, period. Children will only tend to push back, and everyone ends up unhappy. And what is the measure of a person's success, anyway?

Success is measured differently by everyone. That is normal, as no two people are exactly alike in any respect. How you perceive success may not be how your children grow to perceive it, so pushing them toward your beliefs and goals for them may end up creating issues in the future. Many people have become estranged from their children by not allowing them to be who they are, but demanding they be something else that the parent has envisioned for the child.

How many children have heard the sentence that begins with, "When I was your age...?" And how many have heard, "I only want what's best for you...?" Why do so many parents only think in terms of themselves?

A lot of people have started families before they achieved what they believe is a successful place in life, so these parents often want their children to achieve more than they have achieved. These achievements are often a higher education and affording themselves better opportunities in the workplace. However, parents often end up pushing so hard for the children to achieve that it turns out that the children feel no sense of achievement at all, because it is someone else's dream, not their own.

In addition, success in the mind of the parent is not necessarily success to the child. It has to be the child's interpretation of success that the parent learns to encourage the child to reach.

As parents, we often forget that children cannot and will not see, feel and think the same way that we do. If we instill in them the will to be successful in any endeavor they choose, we give them the opportunity to try and fail and learn from their mistakes. They will determine how successful they feel, and we have to allow them that freedom. Sometimes parenst even get lucky enough to learn something about success from their children.

Parents who understand that they do not own their children, and that inasmuch as they are not responsible for their adult children's choices, they are also unable to take credit for their achievements. A child will be as successful as the child believes he or she is, and that is the bottom line. Loving your children and encouraging them to pursue their own individual dreams and goals while learning from their mistakes makes not only the child successful, but the parent, as well.

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