by Nina Medeiros

Created on: March 17, 2009   Last Updated: March 18, 2009

Teaching our children about compassion requires that we understand it and practice it ourselves. In order to do this we have to know what compassion is and is not.

Compassion is not "being nice." It is also not doing for others what they can and will do for themselves if you get out of their way. A compassionate person doesn't exert themselves to the point of exhaustion for another, or deplete their own energy and resources to serve another's needs. What many people call compassion grows from a desire to look good or have power over another person.

True compassion evolves from empathy which is the ability to identify with and understand someone else's feelings. When we come from a whole and loving place ourselves it is easy to offer this to another person. We are planted firmly in self-esteem and mastery of ourselves, in turn we have what it takes to feel and express compassion.

Children can be a tough audience. They smell hypocrisy from miles away. They are unpredictable and precocious, so it's unwise to try and manipulate them. It's always better to walk the walk. When I want my children to have compassion for the homeless, I educate them about how many people in this country are without homes. I debunk the myth that homeless people are all lazy crazy bums. I show them the world, the whole world and I lead them to their own understanding of the things that ail it. Then I encourage them to act.

We are all capable of more. Rather than the huge acts we sometimes think necessary to help others, we should practice engaging in small meaningful acts of compassion. Instead of leaving our food on a plate at a restaurant, we can bring it with us and give it to someone hungry. While spending a Saturday afternoon at the movies we can stop off and visit a senior center for a half hour. We can invite a neighbor over for dessert or watch a friend's newborn for a few hours while she sleeps. We can hold the door for someone who's arms are full or let a driver in a hurry get in front of us. These things are simple and don't cost much. I have always found it an interesting paradox that the poorest among us in a society are usually the most generous. Perhaps it is because they empathize; they know what it's like to go hungry or do without.

At the core of empathy and compassion is an ability to set ourselves aside. In our world, driven by capitalism, greed, media and entertainment, this takes some doing but with practice it gets easier. Every day life offers many intersections,

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