by Annie Davison

Created on: March 17, 2009

The BDSM lifestyle is one greatly unknown, mostly because so many people still think of it as "BDSM" and nothing more developed than that. But to say everyone in the "BDSM Lifestyle" is the same is like saying all Elvis songs have the same lyrics; there could be nothing further from the truth.

BDSM is actually a trinity of different meanings; Bondage and Discipline (BD), Dominance and Submission (DS), and Sadism and Masochism (SM). These are three things that, while under the same umbrella as each other and very similar in many important ways are actually as different in certain respects as "Unchained Melody" is from "All shook up."

Bondage and Discipline is more a skill than anything else; one person displays their skill and knowledge of the human body by tying up their partner, sometimes with an extraordinary and complex series of knots. These bonds are almost always uncomfortable to endure in one way or another, and discipline is required to relax and stay still; if you fight the knots, or are too tense, you will suffer a wide variety of minor discomforts, not to mention more serious damage in some circumstances, or if the person doing the tying up doesn't know what they're doing.

Dominance and Submission is my favourite; this is where I fall. The mental state of those in a D/s relationship can be easily summarized by a very good pair of my friends on their wedding day; "I love you and so I shall serve you" and "I love you and so I shall look after you." Because at it's core that's what it's all about. You can argue your life away as to who has the power in a D/s relationship; the obvious answer would be the Dominant, but the submissive holds the trump card, the safe word. The submissive 'gives' their submission, as a gift, etc. etc. But the truth is, the Dominants life revolves around their submissive, just as a submissives life revolves around their Dominant. We are two halves of the same coin, or opposite ends of a see-saw; no one hight or lower than the other. Just opposite and perfectly complimentary.

The third part is Sadism and Masochism. Sadism is the enjoyment of inflicting pain, Masochism is the enjoyment of feeling it. There are many reasons people may want to be a part of this; many masochists do it to overcome fear of pain, or for the discipline involved (see BD). I know only two true sadists; one has some serious issues and uses Sadism to work through them, forcing themselves to hurt but not harm (cause lasting or serious damage). The other is in a D/s relationship as the Dominant and he enjoys being able to please his partner, a masochist, and then look after her.

Many people walk between all aspects of this, and some only in two. Very few are strictly into one only...for instance, because of the pain often involved in being bound, many people in BD are also in SM. Because bondage is an excellent way to make someone physically reliant on you, many D/s pairs are into BD. Just as most people who like one Elvis song also like the others, many people use all parts of the BDSM trinity in their play.

But in the end, it comes back to the same thoughts, as to what exactly BDSM is. Well, BDSM is such a rich and diverse way of life I wouldn't presume to answer this questions. But I *can* tell you what it's not; BDSM is not an excuse for bully's to have fun. Submissives and slaves in the BDSM scene are not victims. BDSM is not therapy, but it can be therapeutic. BDSM is not detrimental to the health, welfare or happiness of anyone involved. BDSM is not about pain or suffering. And, most importantly, BDSM is not loveless.

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