by Derotha Ann Reynolds

Created on: March 17, 2009   Last Updated: May 04, 2011

There is no easy answer to handling unwanted advances from your boss, and there is no more painful situation to be in when you see unemployment on one side, and humiliation on the other. So, we have to catergorize the inappropriateness. When the question really is one of being out of work or fresh out of self-esteem, then you are pressed into a corner. You can be desperate, or you can be ultimately professional. Desperation, like despair, is the greatest sin in this situation. . .don't make the mistake of thinking that you will lose a well-fought battle. The sexual harrassment laws are clear and precise. . .as long as you don't take the law into your own hands. The first step is to make clear that you don't appreciate unprofessional behavior, and it's a very good idea to state this publicly. . .in other words, in front of witnesses.

The decision to keep it public is a crucial point.  If the situation is happening in a public forum, then it should be handled in a public forum, not with the intention of solving it through confrontation, but in stating, in a calm and respectful fashion, that the behavior is not comfortable for you, and going on the record that you haven't sanctioned the behavior.  If handled calmly, there is no loss of face, and no need for retaliation because of bruised ego, it was just a misunderstanding of shared values.  If the problem is one of direct physical advances when no one else is around, then this goes beyond the pale of "workplace behavior."  This is truly physical harrassment, and should be treated as such. 

Remember the point of your efforts is to calm the situation down, not escalate it. This is not the time to make any points or win any debates with the person in question. Let's take a moment to note some of the myths about sexual harrassment. . .it is not always men picking on women, it is often the other way around. It is not always blatantly sexual in nature, it can be subtle, designed to be manipulative for private pleasure. It is not always done with the purpose of seduction, but can be a form of emotional rape, whereby the person with power can gain pleasure from simply humiliating a weaker human being. It is not always directed at a single person, but can be done to establish guidelines of social behavior, such as the freedom to be profane or obscene in a gender-specific environment. And, sadly, it is not always intentional. A person may be responding to your personality because they honestly

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